It's been about six weeks since I wrote this post about how things weren't going well at all. I worried a fair number of people with it, which wasn't my intent. I just needed to get my feelings out there.
Since then I've been more honest about how I'm doing with my closest friends and family. And I've been asking for help more often. Things are going better.
That's not to say I'm not still overwhelmed, because I am. Take yesterday afternoon for example. I was working on a fun but complicated homework project with Ella when Lily sliced her thumb with the apple peeler. Even after I got the bleeding under control and her thumb bandaged in a glow in the dark SpongeBob band aid, Lily was crying like she had cut her thumb off completely. So I sent her to her bed to snuggle with a lovie, and she promptly fell asleep. While all this was going on, Campbell was following me around asking for milk and for me to pick him up. And Elizabeth, who still won't take a bottle, wanted to eat. Argh.
I'm still exhausted most days. From 2:00 to 5:00 each morning seem to be the witching hours when Elizabeth and Campbell both wake up repeatedly. I end up sleeping in fits and starts, which is almost worse than not sleeping at all. Many nights, I fall asleep as soon as I get Elizabeth to bed at 9:00, which means I don't get to spend a lot of time with B.
Despite still being overwhelmed and exhausted, I am doing better. The biggest change is that I've made a concerted effort to take better care of myself on a daily basis so that I don't get to the point of writing a frantic blog post or running away from home.
If I can't make it out for a run, I put the baby in the stroller and go for a walk, just to get outside. I've managed to meet a friend for lunch at least once a week so that I can have contact with adults other than my husband. I've treated myself to a pedicure and to a few new items of clothes. I'm sitting still and knitting or reading more instead of worrying about laundry and dishes, and I'm setting regular work hours out each week so that I'm not cramming work in whenever I can. I also told my project manager that I can only handle 10 hours of work a week so that she knows what to expect.
So it's all still day by day, but things don't feel as bleak as they did a month ago. Bit by bit, things are getting better.