Playdates galore

I seem to have become the queen of playdates this week. On Tuesday I had 9 kids here, all of whom but the babies worked on perler beads. Today I hosted A and O while their mom ran errands. It was one of the few playdates we've had with one of Lily's friends. Usually we have Ella's friends here and Lily just has to tag along.

It was a bit tough for a while this morning. A wanted to play with Ella, the big girl, but Lily didn't want to do more perler beads with them. I finally asked Walter's mom if Ella could go over there to play. Once Ella left, Lily was much happier - she had her friend all to herself to play dress up and babies with. O and Campbell and I did puzzles, which was fun. Campbell destroyed the puzzles as fast as O and I put them together.

This afternoon Walter is here while his mom is at the store. He and Lily are watching Winnie the Pooh while Ella does perler beads, again.

I really like that our house is a popular play place for my kids and their friends. I hope that I'm something of the "fun mom" to visit. Despite the noise and mess, I like the commotion of lots of kids hanging out and playing. It makes me feel like I'm doing my job of "mom" right.

Now I'm going to go make popcorn and lemonade for the kids' movie-time snack.

A day of great bravery

Bravery of the little kid kind, that is.

We spent yesterday at the lake with friends, which was wonderful, as always. I love watching all the kids floating around in the water on their noodles, screeching every time a boat makes huge waves for them.

Several notable things happened yesterday, though, that made it particularly memorable.

First, Lily, who isn't the biggest fan of the water, decided that she loved being in the lake. It started out when she agreed to let me swim her over to the big raft that's anchored off the dock. I grabbed a noodle and we paddled over to the raft together, but there was a line of kids waiting to clambor on, so we floated around for a while. She had a death grip on me and the noodle, but she was out there, floating around, without screaming her head off. She just got braver from there. I looked up at one point to see her floating around in Daniel's little inflatable boat with Jean at the helm. Later, she was out on a raft with Granddaddy. Then she discovered that she could hold onto the raft Brandon was lounging on and make it move by kicking. By the end of the day we had to drag her out of the water. She was crying that she wanted to swim some more. Such a change from last time we were at the lake and she wouldn't even get in the water.

Molly had a similar day. Usually she is content to hang out in the hammock with Lily or splash in Campbell's little pool on the dock. But yesterday she floated around in the water on a raft with her mom. It was so cool to see both her and Lily make such a giant leap in their comfort with the water.

Finally, Luke surprised the heck out of us all. Back in June he started copying Ella's giant leaps out to the floating raft - about 4 feet from the dock. Lisa was stunned that he had attempted it - he's not really a risk taker. Now he jumps to the raft without even thinking about it. A few weeks after that, he worked his way up to jumping off the diving board without someone below to catch him. Lisa and I were talking about whether Luke would ever follow Ella's example in jumping off the roof of the dock. Lisa just didn't think he would. But towards the end of the day, I looked up to see Luke and Ella up on the roof. Ella counted to three and jumped. Luke hesitated for a moment and then went for it. Lisa was helping Molly with something and missed the great event. Fortunately, Luke gave a repeat performance.

I am so proud of all the kids for the progress they're making at the lake, but especially these three yesterday. We'll have a whole little tribe of water rats by the time the summer is over.

One good trip, one bad.

On Tuesday (or was it Wednesday? I can't remember), Liz kindly invited us to join her at their neighborhood pool, which is a great one for kids. It has a very shallow beach area that Lily loves because she can touch the bottom while bravely putting her face in the water and I can sit and hold my hands out for her to glide to me - which involves her getting so close to me that she sort of just jumps into my hands rather than actually gliding. It also has a deep side that Ella loves because she can throw her diving rings and swim down to get them. We spent a lot of afternoons at that pool last summer and had a lot of fun. So I figured we'd do just fine on Tuesday.

Not so much.

I've taken all three kids swimming by myself once before, but it was at Shelly's in-law's house, not a public, crowded pool. Things went ok that day because it was easy to keep an eye on Ella as she swam all over the place and because Shelly's mother-in-law was there helping with the little ones.

Tuesday, or maybe it was Wednesday, was a disaster. It took forever to get everyone sunblocked and in the water. And just as I got Campbell's floaty-boat blown up and him in it, the lifeguards blew the whistle for their ten-minute break. So I dragged everyone out and plied them with snacks.

When we got back in, I put Campbell in his boat, which he decided he didn't like after about five minutes. Then Ella wanted me to go in the deep end with her, but Lily decided she needed to cling to me while we were in the deep water. I had Campbell in his boat, but the only way he wouldn't cry was if I had my arm around him from underneath, which sort of defeated the point of the boat. After five minutes I dragged everyone back to the shallow end, with much protesting from Ella.

I put Campbell in the stroller in the shade and let him have rice cakes, even though they had caramel on them, just to keep him happy. I played with Lily, clapping when she glided to me. Then we went back to the deep end with Ella for a while. Things went ok like that until Ella and Lily discovered that they could a. fit in Campbell's boat, and b. actually float in it. Sharing the boat quickly turned into arguing over who had the longer turn in the boat.

That's when I decided to call it a day. It was just too hard, even with Liz and Shannon there for support. I spent the drive home trying not to cry in frustration. I've gotten quite adept at going places with three kids, so it's hard when I find myself in a situation where I can't cope. I descend into a pity party, thinking about how I'll never be able to go the pool, or the park, or breakfast with friends ever, ever again. I know that's not really the case, but it's hard to remember that in the midst of great chaos and fighting.

Today I decided that I needed to get back on the horse and try again to take all three kids someplace. I heard through the running grapevine that Nordstrom had running shorts on sale.
I had a Nordstrom gift card left from my birthday, so I became determined to brave the mall. I promised the girls cookies if they behaved. And miracle of miracles, they did. I was able to get running shorts and a shirt from Nordstrom. Then we bought cookies to eat on the ride home. We also went to Bath & Body Works to get shampoo for the girls. We have nightly fights over shampooing, and I figured that maybe we'd have fewer fights if Ella and Lily got to pick out their own shampoo. We now have apple-scented American Girl brand shampoo. We'll see how tonight's bath goes.

Things went great until we pulled onto our street, then all hell broke loose. Ella was doing something that Lily didn't like, so Lily bit Ella's finger, hard enough to almost draw blood. So Ella started screaming in pain. Lily started screaming when I told her she had to go into the "time out" corner as soon as we got in the house. Campbell started screaming because his sisters were screaming. Sigh.

Despite the bad end to the trip, I felt much better about my life as a mother of three when we got home. I proved to myself that I really am capable of taking all three kids out in the world successfully. I'm not destined to be a shut-in until all three kids are in school full time.

Scenes from yesterday

Scene 1: I'm on the phone with my mother. Lily comes running in.

L: Mom, mom, mom!
H: Not now. I'm on the phone.
L: But I need to tell you something!
H: Lily, I'll talk to in a minute when I'm off the phone.
L: But Campbell's splashing in the potty!
H: $(*%(&#_)*( Is there pee in the potty?
L: Yes. But no poop.
H: $(*@(*$%
Gran: Hysterical laughter

Scene 2: Running around trying to get three kids in the car.

H: Ella, after we take Lily to school Miss Kristen is coming over to stay with you and Campbell while I'm at a work meeting.
E: Yay. We can listen to Joe McDermott while Miss Kristen's here!
H: Oh I bet Miss Kristen will just LOVE that.
Pause
E: I don't think you meant "love" in the good way.
H: Nope, I sure didn't.

Blogging at the beach

Hello from the beach. Isn't modern technology amazing? I'm sitting here blogging while listening to the waves, which are threatening to swamp my feet, and watching the sun peek in and out from behind the storm clouds off shore that are threatening to rain, but so far haven't done more than threaten. This is about as close to a perfect way to spend a morning as I can think of.

As much as I love bringing the kids to the beach and watching them splash in the waves and body surf and build sand castles and dig huge holes, it's wonderful to only be responsible for myself. Yesterday, B and I came to the beach for the afternoon and read and napped and swam without having to entertain anyone or play lifeguard or provide endless snacks and drinks. It was divine.

I fully admit I was pretty hostile at being forced to go to the beach and leave the kids, actually leaving Campbell was the only real problem, but I am so glad B made me do this. I needed this break in the worst way. I'm not exagerrating in the least when I say I was on the verge of a complete and total breakdown. Brandon found me curled up in the shower crying one night - that was a bad night. At dinner last night we talked about my last trip away from the kids and realized it was in January of 2006 when I went to New York with Lisa and Heidi. The last time B and I went away together, just the two of us, was in January of 2004 when we went to San Antonio for a night. That is just ridiculous that it's been that long. We need to take better care of our marriage.

But now I feel like I can go back to Austin and face daily life again. I can get everyone up and dressed and out the door tomorrow with a smile, or at least without screaming in frustration, because I had this break. Life won't seem so dreary.

Plus, we're all headed to the beach in three weeks with the Roes, Krells and Scanlons. I'll have had three beach trips this summer, which is wonderful. The beach is my favorite place to be. I love the salt air, the sound of the waves. I'm quite content to just sit and watch the world go by with my toes in the sand. So I'm going to sign off and do just that.

But I'm not ready yet

B announced last night during dinner that he and I are going away for the weekend. His dad noticed that B had put a weekend trip on his calendar ages ago and asked if we had ever managed to go away. When B told him that we hadn't, his dad got upset. He reminded B that it's important for us to have time together and gave B the key to the condo in Corpus. So Steve is staying here Friday night with the kids, and my m-i-l is staying Saturday night.

I'm not sure I'm ready though. We're just now getting Campbell on a good sleep schedule, and I'm worried that having grandparents who are willing to get up with him in the middle of the night will set us back. Plus, I stopped trying to pump milk weeks ago, and I don't have any left in the freezer. Campbell still won't take formula, so he could end up being one hungry baby by the time we get home on Sunday. I also worry that after a weekend without nursing, Campbell won't want to anymore. And while I'm looking ahead to the weaning process, this isn't how I wanted to do it. The silver lining in this is that I'll have to pump while I'm gone, so I'll have a supply of milk in the freezer again.

The odd thing is that I'm not at all worried about my f-i-l taking care of the three kids. Steve isn't prone to panic, and he's pretty good about winging it if he needs to. Ever since my m-i-l left him, he's really stepped up as a grandfather, taking the girls to his house for overnights, even giving them baths and washing their hair. I'm not sure my father would be up for such activities, and he was a much more hands-on father than Steve was.

It's my m-i-l I'm worried about. First, I'm going to have to clean the house, top to bottom, so that she doesn't have anything to make her pinchy face or snide comments about. Debbie came over a few weeks ago at the end of a looonnng, rainy day and commented that the girls' room was far messier than B's had ever been as a child. I wanted to scream. Second, she's prone to panicing about things. I just know we're going to get some phone call at some point. Like the time Ella managed to lock herself IN Debbie's apartment, and Debbie couldn't figure out how to get her back out again. I had to drive up and talk to Ella through the back window. It took me 15 seconds to get Ella to unlock the door, but Debbie had been reduced to sitting on the stairs crying. Or the time she left us 3 messages in 15 minutes about how Lily had climbed into the porta-crib and was refusing to get out. Debbie had had her mastectomy two months earlier and still couldn't lift things, especially not kids, but Lily was more than capable of climbing in and out on her own. By the time we called Debbie back, Lily was already out of the crib, but Debbie was still in tears. So there's precedent for my concern about phone calls.

Then there's the worry that she just won't be able to figure things out. Last weekend she took all three kids to B's grandmother's house for the day. Before she left I told her THREE times how to mix Campbell's cereal, and she still managed to do it wrong. How hard could it have been - add water to the cereal until it's a thick paste, then stir in some fruit or sweet potatoes. She forgot the bit about the water and just mixed it with sweet potatoes. Not surprisingly, Campbell refused to eat it.

When B talked to his parents last night about arangements, his dad said, "Just leave me instructions. I'll figure it all out." Debbie wouldn't get off the phone, asking question after question. B kept saying, "Mom, we'll leave instructions. You can send me an e-mail with all your questions, and we'll answer them." She still kept asking for instructions, like she was going to remember anything at that point. I wouldn't have.

So my challenge will be to relax while we are gone and not worry about what is happening here. Campbell may refuse to drink formula, but at least he eats other food and drinks water from a sippy cup. He's not going to starve or get dehydrated while we're gone. And as Heidi pointed out, if he gets really hungry, he'll probably take the formula. The girls, of course, will be just fine. Steve will feed them "Old MacDonald's" for lunch and dinner if they ask, and pancakes with chocolate syrup for breakfast. Debbie will do whatever she does with them. Everyone will survive. And I'll get to spend the weekend at the beach.

Lemonade and cupcakes

On the 4th, Ella and Luke came up with this plan to have a lemonade stand. On Thursday, it changed from a lemonade stand to a restaurant with daily specials. Ella was drawing up menus with lots of items listed. At one point, she came in to raid the refrigerator for food to sell on the corner. I talked her and Luke into waiting until today when we could do it right and offered to help her make cupcakes to sell.

We made cupcakes last night, and I let Ella do most of the work, including frosting them. I think I managed to keep her and Lily from licking them too much. Of course, the first question out of her mouth when she woke up this morning was when were we going to set up the stand. She and Brandon spent the morning printing up flyers that I helped her and her friend Jacqueline deliver to a few chosen neighbors.

Once we got the stand set up, I was concerned that no one would show up. Turns out I needn't have worried. The neighbors we invited all came and bought stuff. The guy mowing the lawn across the street paid $5 for two cups of lemonade. Lily spent pretty much everything in her piggy bank on cupcakes drinks. Our wonderful mailman bought a cup and left a tip. Aunt Ali and puppy Enzo came by and bought a cup or two. Strangers passing by on bikes stopped in for a drink. It was great to see everyone come out and visit. In the end, the kids made $46! When Ella and Luke told me that, I was sure they had made a mistake in counting, but they both said that Lisa had double checked their figures. They've already divied up the money. But Brandon is talking about having them pay parents back for supplies and marketing and graphic design services.

There were a few hiccups. Lily had a meltdown because she wanted her own lemonade stand. But I pacified her by letting her use my camera to take pictures - and she got a lot of cute ones. It also got really, really hot. The cupcakes melted by the end of the day, and Russell and I got sunburned sitting out there chaperoning.

It was a great experience for the kids, and I know we'll get hectored into doing it again, and that's just fine. It's one of those childhood memories they'll look back on fondly, at least they better!

"Maybe we look like a crazy lesbian couple . . . "

I had just promised the girls hot dogs and baked beans for dinner and plunked Campbell in the bath to wash the carrots out of his ears when Heidi called to invite us to dinner. Eric was working late, as was Brandon, so we were both on our own with the kids. For the second time since Campbell was born, I ventured to a restaurant with three kids in tow. The first time was a disaster; Campbell was about a month old and cried the entire time. Liz ended up supervising my kids and getting them to eat while I ministered to the screaming baby.

This time was better. I kept Campbell amused with a spoon and some diced tomatoes and steamed carrots. Ella behaved beautifully, aside from a minor tantrum about lemonade. Lily, though, kept bouncing in and out of her seat to talk to Campbell, to talk to Larsen, to chase William. I was ready to throttle her.

At one point Heidi whispered that the woman at the table to our left kept staring at us. I whispered back that the woman at the table to our right was staring, too. My theory was that they were staring at William, whose face was covered in blue ink from the stamp on his hand he got at gymnastics. Heidi's theory was that we looked like a crazy lesbian couple. I nearly choked on my rice laughing. But then I took another look at our table and decided maybe she was closer to being right than I was. We were a sight to behold - 6 kids ages 6 and under and two moms trying to keep everyone happy. Even though we aren't a lesbian couple, we were definitely crazy for attempting it.

But as zooey as the experience was, it was still better than hot dogs and baked beans and having to clean up the kitchen again. Now I don't have to empty the dishwasher until tomorrow morning. Hurrah for small victories.

The girls

My friend Megan has a knack for asking me questions, via e-mail, that really get me thinking. I end up writing very long responses and afterwards decide that they'd make a good blog entry. So here's another one. She asked if, as I was watching Campbell grow and change, I was noticing changes in the girls as they get older.
****

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the three kids and how my relationships with each are so different, so I really do notice the changes in all of them. Ella is so OLD now that she's almost done with kindergarten. She's not as snuggly as she used to be, and when Brandon and I are joking around and being silly with her, she's more likely to give us the eye roll than she is to join in. But she is so much fun to just hang out with. We can have real conversations about things - like stuff at school and what books she's reading and why she likes them. We're really getting a feel for the person she's becoming

Lily has really turned into a little mother-hen in the last few months. I have to stop her from smothering Campbell on a regular basis. And I often hear Ella saying, "Lily, you're not the boss of me!" to her. I usually let them sort out their differences without much interference. Lily is also such a ham these days, usually without meaning to be. The other night at dinner, she propped her elbows on the table, folded her hands together, looked at all of us and asked, "So, how was your day today? What did you do today? Anything exciting?" Brandon and I just about fell out of our chairs laughing - we ask the girls that question at dinner all the time, and she nailed our tone perfectly.

As my parents commented about me and my sister, it's amazing that two such different people can come from the same parents. I look forward to seeing what Campbell is like. So far, he's just a happy, roly-poly little guy. But I'm sure that will change.

Campbell's first bites

God I love technology. When Ella was born, we took 35mm pictures, took the film to a one-hour processing place and then overnighted the pictures to my parents. Ella was 48 hours old before they saw pictures of her. With Lily, we took digital pictures, and Brandon e-mailed them that night from home. She was 6 hours old when people saw pictures. When Campbell was born, Brandon took little 20-second clips at the hospital while I was still in surgery and e-mailed them to my parents. The clips were waiting in their inbox before I even called to say they had a grandson. Now, I can post video clips of the kids for family and friends to see. Way cool.

We had a grand time feeding Campbell his first cereal. I'm not sure he even realized he was eating anything - he was very distracted by Ella and Lily, who thought the whole proceeding was hysterical. He had one sister on each side cheering him on. You can hear them laughing through the whole thing. I'm not sure he actually ate any cereal, but at least he didn't reject it. We'll give it another try tomorrow. My hope is that if I give him cereal in the evenings, he'll sleep longer at night. I need more than four hours in a row at night to function.

Parenting a la Miranda

I have a new role model for parenting - Miranda Priestly. She's the character Meryl Streep plays in "The Devil Wears Prada." Through the whole movie, Miranda never raises her voice, never yells, yet she inspires terror in all of her staff. I don't want to inspire terror in my children, but a little respect would be nice.

So I'm trying something new. Instead of raising the volume when I'm trying to get the girls to listen to me, I'm taking it down two or three notches, and I'm staying very calm. I'm very polite, with lots of pleases and thank yous as I give the girls their instructions. And so far it's working - they stop talking/arguing/playing to listen to me. More importantly, they do what I'm asking them to! The first time I tried it, they cleaned up the living room in record time, mostly because they weren't arguing with me about who needed to clean up what.

I'm also using Mirana-like responses when the come to me to complain or tell on the other. Ella was dumbstruck the other day when I told her I didn't care that Lily had spit at her. "I don't care. Work it out yourself." Again, I was very calm, and very quiet. She didn't even try to argue with me and wandered off. I didn't give her anything to argue with me about.

The hard part is remembering to stay calm and quiet. Yesterday morning I was trying to get everyone out the door to meet friends at the zoo. The girls were refusing to put shoes on, and the cleaning lady was trying to work around us. I wanted to scream in frustration, but I kept myself in check. Amazingly, we got out the door and to the zoo on time without anyone in tears.

Let's see if it continues to be effective, and whether I can keep it up.

Brotherly Love

It turns out I'm not the only person in the house who just loves, loves, loves babies. Ella and Lily engage in bouts of baby worship on a daily basis. Campbell will be sitting quietly in his seat and one or the other or both will just descend on him. They cover him in kisses and sing him songs and give him hugs and then zoom off, again, leaving him a little bewildered.

Ella is a little more restrained than Lily in her affections. Ella likes to sing Campbell songs and "speak" to him in baby language, which mostly involves saying "goo-goo, ga-ga" to him over and over again. She thinks she's communicating because Campbell usually laughs when Ella does it.

Lily is far more agressive. We say that Campbell is as big as he is so that he can survive her love. She likes to climb into his car seat with him, and she rocks him so hard in his bouncy seat that we're afraid she's going to catapult him across the room. We're constantly saying, "Lily, not so hard!" Fortunately, Campbell's a good sport about it.

I've discovered that Lily becomes much more attentive to Campbell when other people are paying attention to him. She'll start hugging and kissing him, and then the person will say, "Oh what a good big sister you are!" Lily just eats it up - she's got the system figured out. If she pays attention to Campbell, people pay attention to her.

That having been said, Lily does still love on Campbell when no one's watching. I'll come in the room and catch her talking or singing to him or reading him books even though no one is there to see her doing it.

Watching the girls with Campbell makes me feel like we're doing something right as parents. I know there will be sibling rivalry - heck, there already is - but at heart, they all love each other.

Now what?

Christmas is over, the presents have all been put away, the relatives have all gone home, and the girls still have two weeks left in Christmas break. Now what do we do?

My parents left this morning, and the girls and I looked at each other in puzzlement. It's the first morning in a week that we haven't had a planned activity or house guests here to keep us busy. We didn't know what to do with ourselves. I gave in and turned on some cartoons for a while to give myself a break from pestering. Then we ended up outside to play with friends for an hour, which was a life-saver.

Now comes the tricky part - just what do we do for the next two weeks so that we don't go insane. Having a baby to tote along makes things harder. Loading three kids into the car can sometimes send me into a panicked frenzy, as my parents witnessed yesterday. I'd get two kids ready and the third would refuse to cooperate. I guess we'll invite lots of friends over to visit. It's easier sometimes to bring the fun here.