Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ready to Run

I'm struggling with getting back to running, not because of the running itself, but because I just can't seem to find the time. Who would have thought that having three kids would limit my activities?

This morning, Campbell woke up a little after five, so I fed him thinking he'd go back to sleep and I could go for a run. Wrong. The little monkey decided he wanted to play. So I hung out in the bed in his room, dozing while he ran in place next to me. I figured that he'd fall asleep at some point, so I decided that as long as I made it out the door by 6:20, I'd have time to run before the girls got up. Didn't work. Campbell fell asleep at 6:30, and Ella woke up at 6:40.

I got dressed for running, hoping Campbell would stay asleep after Ella headed off to school. I can leave Lily watching cartoons even if Brandon's still asleep. Unfortunately, Campbell woke up at 7:45. At 8:00, I took him in our room in his bouncy seat and plunked him next to the bed and told Brandon he was in charge. I headed out before Brandon could protest.

I had my first solid run so far. I'm still doing Gallow half-miles, but it's the first time I haven't been looking at my watch, waiting for my next walking break. I even ran past my four-minute mark twice. I ended up going longer than my goal of 20 minutes, and I finished with strides.

I've signed up for a 5k in three weeks, and this was the first time I've felt like it's possible I'll survive the race. Progress is being made!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

A Day in the Life

So here's my day today -

I woke up at 6:00 to feed Campbell, who had actually slept really well last night. Then I woke the girls up at 6:40 to get them ready for their day. This involves rushing them through breakfast, shoving them in their clothes and pinning them down to brush their hair. Actually, at this point, Ella's the only one I HAVE to do this to because she goes to school first. This week it's my turn to drive the car pool, so I settle Campbell in the bedroom with Brandon and turn cartoons on for Lily.

This morning I drove Ella, Luke and Matilda to school; it's the first time I've done all three. When I looked in the rear-view mirror it suddenly hit me that I'm really a mom of a kindergartener. These are my kids, not someone else's that I'm just watching for a really long time. When I told Lisa R. about this epiphany, she just laughed at me. In addition to feeling like a mother, I also realized I was the epitome of the suburban housewife - my car is filled with juice boxes, books, baby wipes, and booster seats. And I'm ok with that.

I took Lily to school and then bolted to Central Market because we were out of everything - milk, bread, sugar, real food. I rushed home, unloaded the groceries and then headed back out, poor Campbell in tow yet again. I had promised to help chaperone Ella's class field trip to Zilker Park. I got there early enough that I was able to walk a few laps of the 800 meter loop there. The hills are a lot harder when I do them with Campbell in his bjorn. I'm feeling the results already.

I had fun watching Ella and 80 other kindergarteners tear around like mad on the playground. Ella entertained the other parents with her antics on the monkey bars. Russell is having visions of Ella's being a child-climbing prodigy with him as her guide. I joked that maybe she could be the youngest to summit El Capitan.

After the field trip, I headed to Lily's school to pick her up. Then we headed home for rest time. I actually managed to get an hour's nap in before it was time to fetch Ella from after-school Spanish class. I let her skip doing homework on Tuesdays, so that made our afternoon a bit easier.

It's 6:30, and I'm already wiped out, but I have an hour or two of work ahead of me. The good news is that I'm almost finished with my first post-baby project. The sort-of good news is that there's another project in the works for me. I hope I get a week or two of a break before it starts, though. It's been tough juggling three kids, a husband and a house with the work.

Tomorrow will be easier - I just have to take Ella and her buddies to school and then take Lily to "ballelet" class in the morning and fit in some work hours.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Life with three

People keep asking me what life is like with three and how I manage. My answer to the second part of the question is the same as when I had two kids - I just do. I mean, I don't have much of a choice, do I? That's not to say it's easy juggling three kids, because it's not.

It takes far more planning and organization than comes naturally to me. I've had to become a stickler about certain things to make life easier. For example, every afternoon after we do homework, Ella has to put her daily folder and homework notebook in her backpack and her backpack next to the front door. I learned very early in the school year that this little step saved us lots of running around and yelling first thing in the morning. Also, when she takes her shoes off, they have to go in the basket in her closet. Otherwise, we have to launch a house-wide search for the shoes just as we're trying to leave in the morning.

I'm also making Lily be more responsible for her own things. She has to bring her lunchbox in from the car every day and put it on the kitchen counter. She also has to remember to bring her lovies with her in the car now; I don't automatically grab them for her. A few trips spent crying in the car taught Lily that she needed to bring them each morning. She's also started clearing her own place at the table and putting her plate in the dishwasher. She likes to tell me what a good helper she is.

I've also started carrying a huge diaper bag and keeping all of my stuff - wallet, checkbook, phone, etc - in it so that everything's in one place. I'm far more together than I ever have been. Although, I do keep forgetting to put in a new change of clothes for Campbell. He's ridden home in just a diaper more than once in the past two weeks.

As for what life is like with three kids, I can't really say yet. Campbell's a baby, not a kid. He's so labor intensive right now that I can't get an real feel for what my future will be. As for what's like right now - noisy and busy. There are times when all three kids are crying; that's when I usually join in. And there is always something going on - Campbell needs a diaper changed just as Lily needs help in the bathroom and Ella needs help spelling something. Everything seems to happen at once. But there are good moments. There was an hour Saturday morning when Campbell was happy in his swing and the girls were playing "hospital" together and life was really peaceful. It gave me great hope that the future won't be as chaotic.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The first run

I've been running consistently for the better part of 15 years, yet this morning's run felt like the first time I'd ever put on running shoes and gone a mile. I haven't run since mid-June when my belly got too heavy for me. And I had to stop walking in mid-July because of contractions. So up until three weeks ago when I started walking several times a week, I haven't done much in the way of exercise in about 4 months. Boy did I feel the lack of activity this morning.

Much to my surprise, my legs didn't give me any problems - I actually felt pretty strong. I guess lugging around a 13-pound baby on my walks helps with strength training. My lungs, abs and stomach gave me the most trouble. It was cold and dry out, which made my lungs burn. I'm now afraid I'm headed for a bad episode of asthma. My abs hurt where the doctor sliced me open to deliver Campbell, and I'm not sure what was up with my stomach; maybe it was just in shock from the unfamiliar activity.

I planned to run Gallow-miles - 9 minutes of running, 1 minute of walking - for 20 minutes. Instead, I switched to Gallow-half-miles. My friend Jennifer trained me to run very slowly at the beginning of runs, almost tip-toeing along, and I did that this morning. It worked! If I had started out trying to run "strong," I would have died and gotten frustrated. Instead, I tip-toed through my run and held the same pace. I even passed a woman who was running on the other side of the street.

I did pretty well until minute 12, when I tripped over an ant or something just as small and fell full-length on the pavement. My right knee and left should caught the brunt of the impact, as usual. My knee is scrubbed up pretty well, but my favorite Decker Challenge shirt saved my shoulder from too much road rash. I'm just pretty sore. A woman out walking her dog helped me up and then complimented me on my shoes (stupid Frees). I managed to finish running, despite my injuries. I didn't have any umph left for strides, though - sorry Jen.

While it was far from a successful run, it was my first and it can only get better. Heck, any run where I don't fall down will be better. It was a gorgeous morning for running, and I was child-free doing something just for me for 20 minutes. I can't ask for much more.

On another running note - the course for the Austin Marathon comes right in front of our house. I'm totally geeking out about it, and I'm planning a huge marathon-watching party. I'd always envied people who lived on race courses - they could just sit in their yards and cheer. I figured there was no way a race would ever come down our little street, but I was wrong. I saw several training groups out running the course this morning, but they all had missed a crucial turn in the 'hood. I tried to redirect one group, but they claimed to know where they were going, so I gave up. Yesterday morning several packs of runners came down our street - the girls cheered for them as they went by. They're going to love race morning!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

One of those nights

Actually, it was more like one of those days.

Poor Campbell had his two-month check-up yesterday morning, which took two hours. The good news is that he's thriving - he's in the 90th percentile for weight. Neither of the girls was ever that big, not even Lily. The bad news is that he got four shots. The poor thing just screamed until he wore himself out. He slept for about 3 hours afterwards, tuckered out from the trauma I suppose.

Everything was fine until about 2:00 when he started running a slight fever. I didn't have any baby tylenol on hand, so Lisa brought some over, but it was expired. I decided to risk it out of desperation. He finally settled down and slept in his bouncy seat for an hour, which was good because Lily woke up from her nap in the guest bed in a puddle. I had to clean her up and strip all the sheets off the bed. Molly was over playing for a few hours, and Ella came out of her room at one point to tell me that Molly had had an accident. Time to get another child cleaned up.

Brandon has really made a point in the last two months of being home for dinner and bedtime, but last night he had a client meeting that he had already rescheduled once, so I fed the girls soup and bread and butter for dinner and promised them cartoons if they did a good job eating. I turned on Pink Panther cartoons for them and gave Campbell a warm bath in the hopes of calming him down because he'd been crying for much of the past hour. Not even carrying him in the baby bjorn had helped. He loved the bath and was content to sleep on my chest for about an hour. But then I had to get the girls ready for bed, and he woke up and started crying again.

I managed to get the girls in bed and settled Campbell down successfully, so I worked for about an hour until the baby woke up again - crying. I spent much of the next two hours trying to calm him down. I finally took his temperature, and it was 101. All of the baby books say to call the doctor immediately if an infant's temperature goes over 100.4, so I called the on-call pediatrician. She said that since he was an otherwise healthy baby and had just had his shots, she was pretty sure the fever was just a reaction to them. She gave me a list of things to watch for, and if any of them happened I was to take him straight to Children's Hospital.

Campbell finally fell asleep in our bed, so I went to check on the girls. As I walked to the front of the house, I noticed the smell of poop. I looked at the dog, who looked at me as if to say, "I didn't do it. Don't blame me." Turns out Lily had pooped in her sleep, which she hasn't done in years. Let's just say the clean-up was disgusting and leave it at that.

At this point I called Brandon, whose phone wasn't working right - it kept kicking straight into voicemail. Campbell woke up crying, and I joined right in.

I told my mother that the evening's events rivaled the night that Lily threw up on Ella who had just had an accident. I can laugh about that one now, but it's too soon to laugh about this new episode. Give me a year or so.

The good news is that Campbell's fever is down, and he's sleeping happily in the middle of our bed. The girls are actually playing well together with a minimum of screaming. The only bad thing is that Brandon has to work all day. It's going to be a long one.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Ever since I left my full-time job at the AG's office, I've had something of a freelance career. Last year was a profitable one for me; I earned almost as much working part-time as I did working full time, and I got to work at home in my pjs if I wanted to. Work this year has been a bit slower, and I haven't been as diligent about pursuing more contracts. I didn't look for work this spring because I was focussed on Danskin. Then I was put on partial bed rest and didn't feel like working.

Two weeks ago I started feeling I was ready to get back to freelancing and sent feelers to two editors at Holt. In the past, it's taken a few weeks - even months - for work projects to get rolling there. So I figured that I could send out the inquiries and then still have some time to recover from childbirth before I started working. Instead, I got an immediate contract offer, which I accepted. I started working on the project this weekend, fitting it in around demands from three kids and a husband. It was a bit of a struggle, but I'll get used to working again, I'm sure.

One friend asked why I felt the need to take on work right now, and I couldn't come up with a real answer other than my compulsive need to do too much. But her question got me thinking about why I feel the need to work.

One reason is that I've had a paying job of some sort since I was 16 years old, and it feels wrong to me to not have one - like I'm a slacker. Also, I like to contribute financially to the household. I know intellectually that taking care of three kids, keeping track of my husband and managing a house are huge contributions to our family, but I feel less guilty about spending money if I'm bringing some in. For the record, Brandon has never once pushed me to take on work - this is all my doing.

One other thing I struggle with is my identity as a stay-at-home mom. I'm glad I made the choice to stay home with our kids, and I'm grateful that I'm able to. But I like to be able to say that I'm a MOM and a freelancer; mom always comes first.

The intellectual stimulation I get from work is also helpful to my well being. I need to be able to stretch my brain beyond Dr. Seuss books and playdoh. Some day, when the kids are grown and in school, I'll be able to work more hours, and by working now and keeping my skills and contacts, I'll be in a better position to take on more work later.

I did manage to meet my first deadline for this project this morning, despite Campbell. He was fussy and didn't want to be put down. So I'd walk him until he slept, put him in his seat and work frantically until he woke up, when I would start the whole process over again. But since I did meet me deadline, I'm going to reward myself this afternoon with a nap.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Ella's Day

Ella had the day off of school yesterday. It was a combination teachers' work day/Veteran's Day holiday. I made lots of plans to have it be a special day for her. She's definitely gotten the short end of the one-on-one attention now that Campbell's here, and I wanted to have some special time with her.

We started the day by taking Lily to preschool and saying Hi to Ella's teacher from last year. Then we met some of her preschool friends at a nearby park for a playdate. After that, we went with the girls and their mothers to lunch. All the girls got to sit at their own table at the restaurant, which made them feel very big. When we left lunch, Ella and I, with Campbell in tow, went to our favorite toy store to buy refills for her sticker maker. Unfortunately, they were out. Then we went to James Avery to have two charms that she got for her birthday put on her charm bracelet. After we picked up Lily we all went to Amy's Ice Cream for a treat.

Then all hell broke loose. I had to take Ella for her six-year check-up. Ella has never liked our pediatrician, I don't know why. She refuses to talk to him or even look at him. And even trying to get her to open her mouth for him is a nightmare. Once, when she had strep, it took me and the nurse to hold her down while he pried open her mouth to take a look at her throat. He decided not to even bother with a throat culture because of how traumatic just looking at it was.

Before we went to the doctor's, Ella and I discussed her behavior. I told her that if she didn't cooperate with the doctor and open her mouth when he asked, she'd go to her room when we got home. She still chose not to cooperate. I had to pry her off my leg so that the doctor could weigh and measure her. And when it was time for her actual exam, she sat glued to me on a chair rather than on the exam table. As with previous check-ups, she refused to open her mouth. Lily, however, opened her mouth for the doctor, even though she wasn't there for a check-up. She likes our doctor and chatters away to him at her appointments.

When the doctor left to get the supplies to give the girls their flu shots, Ella wedged herself into this little cut-in between the wall and the window. It was about a foot across and three feet deep. She refused to come out when it was time for her shot, so I had to drag her out. As I was doing it, I told her that I was bigger and stronger than she was and I was going to win. I had a moment of doubt, though, when I began pulling on her; she's freakishly strong for someone her size. At this point I started considering child abuse but decided it wasn't a good idea to do it in front of the doctor. Once I got her out, I had to hold her between my legs and wrap her in a bear hug so the doctor could give her a shot without getting kicked. Through all of this, she hasn't made a peep. All I can figure is that she thinks if she opens her mouth to scream, the doctor will look in it. However, she did start to cry when the doctor gave her the shot. But he was so fast that he finished before she made much noise. When I let her go, she crawled behind me on the chair and wouldn't come out.

Lily was much better about the shot. She climbed in my lap willingly and only let out one little cry when she got poked. But her lovey and a Care Bear bandaid made everything right with the world again.

When we got home, I sent Ella to her room, as promised, and I let Lily watch cartoons. After about an hour, Ella came out with a note tied around her neck that said "soere mama." We had a little chat about what exactly she was sorry about, and then I let her join Lily in watching cartoons.

Ella has forbidden me from telling anyone about her behavior, which I take as a good sign. To me, it means she recognizes that she really did not behave well and is embarassed that she acted that way. I'm writing it down so that someday I can remind her about the incident - like when she has kids who won't behave at the doctor's.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


First, here's a picture Lily drew of Ella. I think it's wonderfully silly.

I write a lot about Ella, but not as much about Lily. I'm just not even sure where to start with her. When she was little, we called Lily the "angel baby" because she was so sweet and even tempered. About six months ago the angel baby disappeared. It now seems that she spent the first three years of her life watching Ella and figuring out how to drive her insane. She can get Ella going so fast it's amazing. Lily can whistle, but Ella can't, which frustrates Ella to no end. So Lily will sit at the kitchen table with Ella and just start whistling. Ella will put up with it for a few minutes before getting upset that Lily is showing off by doing something she can't. Lily will also sing songs that she knows Ella doesn't like just to get her riled up. And it doesn't matter how much we tell Ella to ignore her sister, she still lets Lily get to her.

My mom calls Lily the "stealth child" because she looks so sweet, even while doing something she knows she souldn't be. She has those big blue eyes and the little rosebud mouth. She'll give you the biggest smile in the world while swiping the cookie out of your hand. After one particular incident, mom said that she never would have believed Lily capable of such a thing if she hadn't been there to witness it. I realized recently that I've let Lily get away with a lot because a. she's been the baby of the family for so long, and b. because she just looks too sweet to do anything mischievious. We're having battles these days as we sort things out and work on changing some of her little habits - like spitting at her sister when she's mad.

We've always said that Ella is a born negotiator. When we tell her she can't do something, she'll immediately say, "How about we do xyz instead?" I spend a lot of time just saying no over and over. Lily is the very opposite. I'll tell her she needs to do something, and she'll just tell me no. So then I end up saying, "How about doing xyz instead?" to which she just says no. These days, she's changed her flat no to "I don't feeeeelll like it."

Despite her "stealth child" behavior, Lily is really a very sweet, funny little girl. She loves giving hugs and kisses, especially to her brother. And I can tell she's just as sharp as her sister. She's so interested in Ella's being able to read that I have a feeling she'll be reading early. I often find her just sitting on her bed looking at books and narrating them to her critters.

She's also been my little grocery store buddy for the past two years. I'd save grocery store trips for the days when Ella was in preschool so I only had to drag one child with me. Even when Lily started preschool, I'd still take her with me on her off days. We'd sing songs as we shopped and talk about what to buy. I miss having her with me now that she's in preschool five mornings a week. Campbell's cute, but he's not much of a conversationalist.

It's so much fun watching both of my girls grow up and seeing their little personalities develop. It amazes me that two children with the same parents can be so different.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Bad Dreams

Women say that they have strange dreams when they're pregnant. I have them after having the baby. I've had some doozies in the past few weeks; some have been really upsetting.

There was the one where I dropped my friend Megan's baby on the floor. I can still hear the thunk. I picked Andrew up, dusted him off and took him to his mom and didn't tell her what happened. I woke up so upset - I was afraid that something would be wrong with Andrew as a result of the fall and Megan wouldn't know what had happened. It took a good while after I woke up to remember that it was just a dream and that I hadn't really dropped the baby and nothing was wrong.

Last night I dreamt that I was giving Campbell a bath in the washing machine - delicate cycle of course. I even opened the lid of the washer to check on him - he was just bobbing around in there. Fortunately I pulled him out before the spin cycle. Someone asked me why I bathed him that way and I responded that it was how I had given all my babies their baths.

I think it's the sleep deprivation that's causing these dreams, and I'll be glad when they stop. I'm ready to be finished waking up upset from dreams.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Election Blues

Two years ago I had such high hopes in the days before the election, only to have them dashed. As I told two friends, it was so bad that not even Jon Stewart could make the outcome funny. In the two years since the election, things have just gotten worse - the nation is further in debt, the situation in Iraq has grown even more deadly, we've lost our good standing around the world, the envirionment's a wreck, New Orleans is gone, and our civil liberties have been eroded. Bush and company have come close to destroying our country and several others to boot.

I really want to believe that tomorrow's election will be better, that the Democrats will take control of at least the House. But I'm too afraid to get my hopes up. What worries me is that there are people in this country who still support Bush and think he's doing a good job. There may just enough of them out there to ruin things for us.

Closer to home, I'm sure we'll end up with another four years of Governor Perry barely leading the state. It was nice to think that Kinky Friedman could get elected - I signed the petition to get him on the ballot - but now it's obvious he'll be lucky to come in third. At least it's not likely that Carole Keaton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn will win. I couldn't take four years of listening to her screech and call herself "Grandma." Unfortunately, I don't think Bell can pull it off, and we'll continue to have a state entirely controlled by republicans.

Maybe I'll be happier at this time tomorrow night, but to quote Eeyore, "I doubt it."

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Baby Love

My problem, if you can call it that, is that I love babies - love, love, love them. I love them despite being sleep deprived and covered in spit-up. There's just something so wonderful and miraculous about babies.

I've been reminding myself to really treasure this time with Campbell. He's our last baby, so I don't want to miss anything. With the girls, I used to read while nursing them; with Campbell I study his little face and watch his little fingers and toes move around. Yesterday he gave me his first milky smile while eating, and I just about cried. I sit and hold him long after he's fallen asleep just so I can snuggle with him and feel him breathing. I love watching his face while he sleeps; he runs through so many expressions - happy, concerned, sad - in about 60 seconds.

I have an aunt and uncle who have 8 children, and until I started having kids, I never understood how someone could have that many. But now I do. If we had the money and the space, I'd definitely have more children.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Best Store in the World

I've decided that Nordstrom is the best store in the world. Granted, they don't have a lot of clothes I'd wear, and the children's department is tiny, but they do have several things going for them. First, the women's bathroom. It has a nice little area for moms to sit in and feed their babies and a very clean diaper-changing area. I was in there today with a hungry baby and was able to sit in a comfy chair in a quiet room and feed Campbell - it was far better than sitting in the car and feeding him.

The second thing is the shoe department. I used to say I wasn't a shoe person, but now I realize I always have been. In the past though, my love of shoes was purely for running shoes. I always had five or six pairs stashed in the closet. Now, however, I've discovered there are far more interesting shoes to spend my money on. Every time I go to Nordstrom I fall in love with a new pair. Several months ago, I saw a pair of pink Dansko clogs that I just drooled over. I decided to wait a while before buying them. I went in today to get them, but the pink shoes weren't on display. I decided to try on the green ones instead. The saleman came out with the bad news that he didn't have the green clogs in my size, and then he opened a box with the PINK ones and asked if those were OK instead. I did a little happy dance.

The kids' shoe department is also excellent, if expensive. I have a hard time paying a ton of money for shoes the girls are going to outgrow or destroy in a matter of months. But when they have shoe sales for kids, they really have sales.

The last reason that Nordstrom is the best store is the staff. I've never dealt with a rude or snobby or unhelpful person there. It's nice to go to a store where I know I'll get good service; it's so rare these days.

So there it is, my blatant plug for Nordstrom.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Ella really surprises me sometimes, and makes me worry about what we're in for when she's a teenager. A few weeks ago, she had been acting up at the dinner table, so I excused her and sent her off to her room. Later, as I was folding sheets in the guest room, I called her in for a chat. I asked her what she wanted to talk about. Her response was that she wanted to talk about Lily and Campbell and how I was driving her nuts. I asked her to be more specific, and she said, "Mama, I know you're just trying to make this be about my behavior." I just about dropped my teeth in surprise. Of course that's what I was doing, but how did she figure it out?

Most mornings, she refuses to drink her juice or milk at breakfast, saying she's not thirsty. I worry that she's going to be dehydrated and try to force the issue, usually unsuccessfully. This morning, I gave the girls chocolate milk, hoping that the rare treat would inspire Ella to actually drink. She came around the corner after she finished breakfast and informed me that she hadn't drunk all of her chocolate milk because she knew that I gave it to her just to get her to drink something. She figured me out AND was willing to not drink all of her milk just to prove the point. Unbelievable.

When we went to our parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago, we told her teacher a few of these stories just to give her some insight into what she's dealing with. Her response was that she couldn't wait to see Ella as a teenager. You'd be amazed at how many people say just that.

On another track, the girls have been bickering a lot lately, and I know it's a result of the new family dynamics, so I try not to interfere or referee too much. Yesterday afternoon Ella came in to my room to report that Lily had hit her in the stomach (Lily likes to hit and we haven't figured out a way to stop it yet). Lily was trotting right along behind Ella, so I asked why she had hit her sister. She quite cheerfully informed me that she did it because Ella had licked her. I nearly burst out laughing. I then asked Ella why she had licked Lily, and she said it was to pay her back for tattling on her when she had accidentally knocked Lily over. I decided that this was one time that I really didn't need to interfere and sent them on their way.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Running expectations

I'm really having to change my expectations for returning to running. My first goal of running a 5K six weeks after Campbell was born went out the window when I had the c-section. There was no way I was going to recover fast enough. Now I feel like I could go run, but I just can't find the time or energy. Campbell is just now sleeping for four or five hours at a stretch at night. Unfortunately, his long stretch usually starts at 7:00, which doesn't do me any good. And his sleep isn't consistent enough for me to leave him in the mornings to go run at 5:30 or 6:00. Brandon is great at handling the late shifts, but asking him to do anything that early in the morning is just pointless.

Part of my problem is that I'm pretty tough on myself about things like this. I look at other runner friends who have had c-sections and compare my recovery and running to theirs, and I don't measure up. I expect that I should be able to do what they did, and I get frustrated when I don't meet my own expectations. I have to remember that I'm the only one setting deadlines and I'm the only one keeping track of what I do or don't do running-wise. This is not a competition to see who can recover the fastest.

Running will always be there, and I'll get back to it someday soon when Campbell is sleeping more and I get more rest. I just need to ease up and cut myself some slack - which is easier said than done.

Official blogging

Well here I am, starting an "official blog" instead of just posting on my own Web site. I think this will be easier than coding and ftping and fighting with my html editor. And maybe I'll be more consistant in my postings now.