The aftermath

First and foremost, I want to start by saying B did an excellent job with the kids while I was gone. Everyone was bathed and fed and put to get mostly on time. The girls went off to school, lunches in hand, without a problem. The baby didn't fall down any stairs or off any furniture, which is a feat considering his new love of climbing. Granted, B had help from his mom and dad while I was gone, but I guess it's only fair given that my mom comes to help when B is gone for more than a few days. He really did need the help this weekend; he had out-of-town clients he needed to shop.


But . . .


I came home to this

B did laundry, several loads of it. But it didn't get folded or put away. Instead, it was just left on our bedroom floor, and apparently the girls and B just rifled through it when they needed something. Although, one of the first things both girls said when I got home was, "I don't have any clean panties!" I found a stash at the bottom of the pile. B's comment was, "We missed your laundry skills."

B did keep the house neat, but he didn't vacuum. And I don't know what exactly happened in the kitchen, but the floor was so grody I'm surprised the baby didn't stick to it.

So I'm picking up the pieces - folding laundry, vacuuming, mopping, buying groceries - while putting my work schedule back together. I think my time away and B's time with three kids has made him more appreciative of what it is I do all day long. I know he understands a little better how hard it is to find time to work, clean, fold laundry, make lunches, cook dinner (as opposed to ordering pizza), and get everyone where they need to be.

It's worth going away just to teach him that lesson.

Small-town life

After spending three days in and around Shepherdstown, WV, I've decided I could adjust to small-town life, provided it's the right small town. Shepherdstown would do quite nicely.

It has a small liberal arts university there, Shepherds University, which draws academics and scholars to it. Saturday was homecoming for the University, so the town was filled with students and alum and parents. We missed seeing the homecoming parade by about half an hour, but we saw the stadium filled with fans. Shepherds won.

It's close enough to DC that some residents commute to the city. It has a thriving downtown filled with small shops and restaurants and gallerys. Plus the buildings and architecture and scenery are beautiful. And there's not a Walmart in sight.

It's also the kind of town where everyone seems to know everyone because all the residents care about the town and are involved in activities and foundations and volunteer groups.

The history of Shepherdstown is fascinating. It's the oldest town in W. Virginia, and many of the buildings predate the formation of the United States. It's a few miles down the road from Antietem, and after the battle there, thousands of injured and dying soldiers ended up in Shepherdstown. The first steam-powered ferry operated there, years before Fulton started his ferry service in New York.

I could quite easily settle in there and live happily. I think the kids would love it there, too. Every day I'd see five or six things that would make me say, "The girls would just love this!" When I mentioned to Ella that there were lots of places that she could have gone bouldering, her eyes lit up. Lily would have a grand time just marching around the downtown looking in windows and dancing to the musicians playing on the town square. And they would both love the little library and the sweet librarian, who seems to be keeper of all information relating to the town and its activities. The only one who would need convincing would be B, who is a Texan born and bred and who thinks Austin is the only place to live.

But I bet that if I could get him to sit on the back deck at Jean's, listening to crickets and watching the Potomac going by, I could convince him to move.

I'm not good at vacations

One fundamental difference between me and my husband, or at least one of the many, is that I'm not good at doing nothing. I have a hard time sitting still and relaxing; it goes against my very nature. Not so with B. He can sit and do nothing for hours other than watch the world go by. It's why he loves going to the beach each August - it's a week where he can't work, even if he wanted to.

I on the other hand, get jumpy without access to my computer and my e-mail. So these five days away have been an exercise in character building for me, but I'm not sure why I need to work on this particular bit of character. I've only been able to check e-mail once a day, maybe twice, since I have to hijack my host's laptop, which I don't feel I should do too often if I want to be allowed to stay.

There have been work e-mails flying back and forth among my project group, and while I don't need to do anything with those e-mails, it gives me hives to think that even if I needed to something, I couldn't. My two current big projects involve powerpoint presentations, and this laptop doesn't have powerpoint on it, which means I'm pretty much useless to my project group. I had warned them all that I'd be away and that I would have limited computer access, but still . . .

On the plus side, though, I bought myself a lovely ring. I called B to get his ok on spending a lump of money despite having taxes being due next week, and got his buy-in by telling him it got him off the hook for buying me a large rock at some point in the future. The ring is just beautiful. I didn't know it was the ring I wanted until I saw it in the shop. It's a cushion cut green topaz, the very palest of pale, surrounded by little tiny diamonds cut to sparkle lots. I put it on and knew I would regret not buying it. So I'm happily watching it sparkle as a I type.

Running tours

My favorite way to sightsee is to go running. You see a different side of wherever you are when you go by foot. When I was in Chicago two years ago, I did a run that went behind the big Shedd Aquarium. As I passed by, I saw all the aquarium keepers climb out of the big main tank in their wet suits and scuba gear. They had been cleaning the tank and feeding the fish. They were all waddling around in their flippers like multi-colored penguins. When I went to New York City I did a run around the perimeter of Central Park, but I dodged in at various spots to look at interesting things. I also detoured at Columbus Circle and ran up Broadway, which meant I passed by Lincoln Center - something I wouldn't have gotten to see otherwise since none of our planned activities involved that area of the city.

Thursday morning I went for a run in DC. I headed south from the hotel to the Mall and then turned west toward the Lincoln Memorial. Along the way, I walked through the Vietnam Memorial, which is far more moving and overwhelming than any photograph could ever convey. The sheer number of names is incomprehensible.

During my run I was listening to a This American Life on my iPod (I took my headphones off at the Vietnam Memorial out of respect), and the story was about an American soldier who had fought in Iraq and the problems he'd had when he came home and how he solved them - including joining the Muslim Student Association at his college to get to know Muslims as individuals, not just as people who tried to kill him. But as I was walking through the Memorial and thinking about this soldier, I started wondering what type of memorial will be built for our current war. I think one reason the Vietnam Memorial is so powerful is that its design echoes the futility of the war, the divide it caused in our country, one that still exists to this day. I don't think there's anyone who thinks the Vietnam War was a great victory for our country.

Yet we have a president who thinks we're winning in Iraq, who says there's nothing he would have done differently, who just doesn't seem to get why so many people are opposed to this war. Iraq is also showing no sign of ending anytime soon. How would an architect design something that recognized all the issues - the president who led us into war for his own purpose, the futility of the endeavor, and the divergent public sentiments. I can't even think what it might look like.

Back to the tour - after leaving the Vietnam Wall I ran to the Lincoln Memorial and ran up the steps. I was awestruck looking up at Lincoln. The statue is just beautiful in its simplicity and sincerity. The expression on Lincoln's face clearly shows the sadness he must have carried through his life and the sincerity of his belief that he had taken the right actions. It's so different from the carefree face of our buffoon of a president telling the enemy to "bring it on."

From the Lincoln Memorial, I head back to the hotel, passing in front of the White House along the way. There were lots of guards around and lots of well-scrubbed young staffers heading into the gates, so I didn't make any rude gestures.

One thing that caught me off guard about DC was the number of homeless on the streets and in the parks and how invisible they seem to be to the residents. The park in front of our hotel was filled with homeless people sleeping on benches or in tents they'd constructed out of goodness knows what. But folks cutting through the park on their way to work or sitting on the benches drinking coffee and waiting for the bus didn't even seem to notice their presence. It was also stunning to see how thoroughly the homeless had set up their encampments. I ran past one church that had a marker telling how Lincoln had worshipped there during his presidency and that his pew was still in the church. The current building, however, was built in 1951, so I'm not sure how it counts as a historical site. Anyway, the church had what should have been a lovely little garden out front, fenced in by wrought-iron rails. But instead of a garden, it was packed dirt filled with tents and boxes belonging to a group of homeless who have obviously made it their encampment.

Not being from DC, I obviously know nothing about what sort of services are available for the homeless there, and I can't offer any solutions, but the sheer numbers really surprised me.

Today I'll be running along the C & O canal path next to the Potomac River. Instead of seeing famous buildings and monuments, I'll be on the watch for birds and deer and rabbits - a whole different kind of sightseeing.

Planes, trains, buses, taxis and automobiles

That was literally my day on Wednesday. Except the order was automobile, plane, bus, train, taxi. Whew.

After a few minor panic attacks and a little weeping, I got on the packed SW Airlines flight to DC. The flight was fine - I had a window seat and was able to knit and read and listen to my iPod in peace. It was such a treat to only have to worry about entertaining myself instead of also having to deal with the kids. There was a family across the aisle that had two kids, one of whom did NOT want to be there. I felt bad while simultaneously rejoicing that it wasn't me having to deal with a wiggly one-year-old.

Mom and I met up without a problem at the BWI airport. We found the right bus to the Amtrak station and got there just as the MARC train was leaving for DC. So we bought a ticket for Amtrak and waited half an hour for the train to show up. I just want to say that I think trains are a lovely way to travel - you sit back and watch the scenery go by, no traffic, no red lights, you just hum along merrily. Plus, our car was a "quiet car," meaning no cells phones or loud conversations allowed. Other than the smell, it was quite nice.

We got to Union Station, and that's where the fun began. We had to queue up for a cab, which took about 15 minutes, then we were treated to a rather harrowing ride to the hotel. People drive differently in DC than they do in Austin, and I don't think I'd be good at driving there. First, they honk, a lot. If you don't hit the gas the second the light changes, you get honked at. If you don't run the orange light, you get honked at. If you don't plow through an intersection filled with pedestrians, you get honked at. If you stop your car in the middle of traffic to let people out, you get honked at. In addition to the honking, people don't seem to believe in driving in one lane at a time. Our driver veered from lane to lane and sometimes drove right up the middle of two lanes. I was white-knuckled most of the way.

Fortunately, the hotel was lovely and close to what we wanted to do. Mom and I walked past the White House and muttered bad things about the current occupant. Then we headed down to the Mall for a while. I had hoped to make it to the Air and Space Museum, but it was too long a walk and too close to closing time. I would have had time to sprint in, look at Lindbergh's plane and leave. So instead I wandered around for a while as mom sat on a bench overlooking the World War II memorial and watched the world go by.

Dinner was absolutely wonderful. We at the Occidental, which is next to the Willard Hotel - very famous place, or so I'm told. We got to sit outside, within sight of the Washington Monument. The weather was perfect, the scenery was great, and the food sublime. It was a very nice way to end the day.

Better living through pharmaceuticals

I take a medicine daily to help control my anxiety level. I started taking it three years ago, and my life has improved immeasurably since. I no longer have panic attacks and start crying in the middle of Central Market. I no longer have panic attacks in the middle of playdates with some of my best friends and their kids. I no longer shake uncontrollably when talking to someone. I no longer have the compulsion to balance my checkbook three times a day. Life really is better with this medication.

That having been said, my anxiety level is pretty high right now as I get ready for tomorrow's trip. The list of things I'm worried about is too long to go into, but I've been so stressed that I've almost cancelled several times. Things really got out of control yesterday. Then I realized what part of the problem was - I'd forgotten to call in a refill on my medicine on Saturday before the pharmacy closed, and I'd been without my med since Saturday night. It was an aHa! moment.

I've made this mistake before, and when it happens I get extra jumpy and extra touchy. I also get these fun little jolty feelings, like I'm being zapped with low levels of electricity, that don't help matters. Apparently this feeling is pretty common when you're weaning off, or you forget to take, your anxiety/anti-depressant meds.

So I picked up my prescription this morning - it wasn't ready until late yesterday and I couldn't get to the pharmacy before it closed - I took a dose. The jolty feelings are settling down, but I'm still feeling pretty tightly wound, stress-wise.

So I've come up with a list of things I'm looking forward to:

1. Being on the plane without kids. Don't get me wrong, the girls are great fliers, I've never had a problem with either of them. But it's still hard to travel with kids when you're always anticipating what could go wrong. I told a friend this morning that I'd be happy if I could just fly to DC and back without kids.

2. Getting to read/knit/listen to my iPod on the plane. This ties in with number 1. All I have to do on the plane is take care of me. Yay.

3. Sleeping late. I don't get to sleep late on Thursday because I'm cramming a run in before we meet our friend at the National Gallery, but I'll be able to the rest of the time I'm away.

4. Running in cool weather. I came close to throwing up during yesterday's death march with Liz, Holli, Shelly and Wendy, so I am really looking forward to running in weather cool enough to warrant a long-sleeve shirt. I'm planning to tour the National Mall Thursday morning while I run. It's my favorite way to sight-see.

5. Fall weather. We don't have real seasons here. In the fall it's just less hot, and the leaves turn brown and fall off the trees. There aren't any fabulous colors to be seen. It won't be peak leaf season in W. Virginia, but I've been promised some fall colors.

6. Coming home again. It's always so nice to come home after a trip. I'm looking forward to a few days away from my husband and kids so that I can be extra happy to see them Sunday night.

And now it's time to pack.

Panic mode

I'm panicking just a bit. I leave town Wednesday morning for five days away. This is the first time I've left B with all three kids. The last time I went on a trip was almost two years ago when I went to New York and found out I was pregnant with Campbell. How time flies.

The girls are pretty well squared away each day. Ella's in school until almost three, and Lily is in preschool every morning. Campbell's pretty easy to entertain at the house, but it is tough to concentrate and work with him noodling around. B can easily work from home, it's just a question of whether he'll get any work done while he's here. Which is what's making me panic.

He's stressed about three days of potentially falling behind, and his stress is affecting me. I'm almost at the point of cancelling the trip, which will just kill my mother and our friend Jean, whom we're staying with for the two of the days. I know that I need to get away and that I've earned this break (boy have I earned this break), but it's still hard to think about leaving for so long.

Wednesday I get into Baltimore at 1:30 and meet up with my mom, who arrives about 30 minutes before I do, and then we head into DC. We're staying at some shi-shi place near the White House (maybe I can stroll over and kick the current occupant of the WH in the shins) and the Mall. We'll do touristy stuff Wednesday afternoon and evening. I plan to use my morning run on Thursday to tour the Mall and see all the big monuments.

Thursday afternoon our long-time family friend Jean is meeting us at the National Gallery to see an Edward Hopper exhibit. I don't care so much about seeing the exhibit; I just used it an excuse to go on the trip. After the National Gallery we'll head to Shepherds Town, W VA, where Jean lives, to spend two days at her house doing absolutely nothing.

In the meantime, there's just so much to do! I have laundry to fold and get put away so the kids and husband don't have to go naked by day 5, groceries to buy, and work to do. I have two projects going on at Holt, both with deadlines this week. Eek. I'm hoping B's tablet PC is back from the shop by the time I leave so that I can take the laptop. If I can't take it, I'll be so far behind by the time I get home.

Eek. I need to stop writing and get working!

Beach, here we come!

Russell called down to the beach house this morning and spoke with the owners, who assured him everything is just fine on S. Padre. They said people aren't even boarding up the windows. So I guess tonight I'm packing the car so that we can hop in first thing tomorrow morning and head south. We'll be picking B up in Harlingen/Brownsville on our way down there. He's flying into Harlingen, but he may catch a shuttle over to Brownsville in search of a good hotel.

I'm a bit nervous about the drive with the three kids. I've decided I'm packing a stroller, just so I have someplace to park Campbell when we go into restrooms. I don't want to have to put him down to crawl around in god-knows-what. I've also decided that we're eating at "real" restaurants - Applebee's or Luby's or the like, just so I'm not trying to wrestle three kids and trays at a fast-food place. Fortunately, it's only one meal that I have to worry about. I'll put a small cooler in the front seat with juice boxes and bottles for the kids and a bag with lots of easy-to-distribute snacks. Each girl is allowed to pick out three movies to take with us, and I'll be allowing them to veg out the whole way there. Driving solo is not the time to encourage activities like license plate bingo and I Spy. The girls will be fine - it's Campbell who's likely to be the big problem. He still faces backwards, so he can't watch movies, and he doesn't like being trapped in his seat for more than an hour or so. I foresee lots of rest breaks.

I'm reminding myself to treat it as an adventure, not a source of stress and frustration. We'll get there when we get there; B can easily cool his heels waiting for us. Plus I will earn SO many bonus points on the marriage/parenting scorecard for this one! I'll win any debate with, "Remember the time I drove for six hours with three kids all by myself?"

So now I'm off to make lists of things to remember - keys and instructions for housesitter; power cords for the laptop, cell phone, and iPod; my work files; dictionary and thesaurus for my new work project; clothes for the kids; etc.

Wish me luck!