Lily the big girl

This is one of those posts that has been whirling around in my brain at 3:00 am and that I haven't been able to put down quite the way I want to. Right now, you're reading my third and final (fingers crossed) attempt.

Even though Lily is almost five, I still think of her as my baby girl. Ella, by virtue of being my first, has just always seemed so big to me. That and she was born older and wiser than her years. But Lily, she's been my baby girl from the begining. She still even looks a bit like her baby self - with big pink cheeks and chubby fingers, even though she's stretching out in height.

It ocurred to me about a month ago that she really will be heading off to kindergarten in the fall, and it just doesn't seem possible. She can't be old enough to go. I must have looked dumbfounded in the hall at school when one of the teachers asked if Lily would be starting school in the fall. My jaw literally dropped as the realization hit. This spring we'll be going through kindergarten round-up, and next fall she'll be off to school all day every day.

Realizing this made me a little weepy. Lily has always been my little buddy, my grocery store and errands pal. I spend more one-on-one time with her than I do Ella just because of her schedule. We have an hour after Ella goes to school in the morning and an hour before Ella gets home in the afternoon. That's my time with Lily, and in August it will be gone.

At the same time I'm being weepy, I'm also realizing that Lily really isn't a baby - she's quite the big girl now. She has her own little life away from me at school, and today she had her first after-school playdate at a friend's house. Granted, I had to pick her up early because she suddenly got very sad and missed me, but still, it was a big step for both of us.

So I need to let go of the baby and recognize the big girl who has replaced her. As soon as she wakes up from her nap.

"You're going to be like your mom if you're not careful."

That's what B said to me just a few minutes ago after he walked through the kitchen and saw four skeins of yarn on the counter. "But those are from my mom," I protested. Mom is having me knit some Christmas presents for her while she's injured, and she sent me the yarn this weekend. There are two more skeins from mom in a bag next to the front door that I'm supposed to use to knit my own present. She finished the first half - a beautiful scarf - before injury set in. She sent me the yarn and the pattern for the hat to match. I'll put those at the end of my project list for now.

It's a good thing B didn't see the three new skeins of sock yarn in our bedroom, and that he didn't see the receipt. Barb and I went to a new knitting store here in town, and I just couldn't help myself. The shop had this self-striping sock yarn in the most brilliant colors. I bought three skeins, even though I know I have a long list of projects to finish before I can start on socks again. I have a bunch of friends who are about to pop with babies - I think I may use some of the yarn to knit some funky baby booties, like the ones mom knit for Campbell before he was born. Maybe if I get really ambitious, I'll knit some baby hats, too.

But first, I get to figure out how to knit and felt a purse.

Camping report

I'm still not a fan of camping, but I'm glad I went. Granted, I could have done without the rain while we were cooking dinner, and the rain while we were eating dinner, Ella's 4:30am freak-out about wolves, and the 7:00 wake-up call from every kid in camp. But I still had fun.

RR had picked out a great spot for us out at Pace Bend. There were only a few campers scattered around the cove, and they were all quiet enough that I felt kind of bad that we were turning loose 12 kids. The kids had a blast running around without parents tagging right behind them. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

So much happened, and I am too tired to weave it all together into a cohesive narrative, so here are some highlights.

We had 12 kids there, ages 3 through 9, and they all played together wonderfully. The big kids played with the little kids; the boys played with the girls. Amazingly, everyone got along really well. There were a few minor skirmishes, but nothing that warranted any real parental involvement.

It started raining as we were getting dinner ready, so the kids all crowded under the big canopy the Ss brought, while the parents huddled under umbrellas next to the grill. FS and WS kept all the other kids entertained with stories, including the funniest version of Goldilocks I've ever heard.

The s'mores were a huge hit. LR got the kids all lined up and did eenie-meenie to decide who went first with the roasting sticks. EK introduced us all to something called Banana Boats that involved a banana, mini-marshmallows, and chocolate chips wrapped in tin foil and roasted on the fire. The kids who actually ate the banana boats loved them. FS licked her banana peel clean.

The kids all sat around the fire telling stories before heading into various tents for card games and more stories. This calmed everyone down that bedtime, at least in our tent after two chapters of Ella's book, went really smoothly.

Ella woke me up at 4:30, convinced she heard wolves. It must have been a witching hour, because I heard several other parents quieting down their kids. Lily never even stirred. Our tent was on a slight decline, and by morning she and her sleeping bag had slid down into the bottom corner into a ball. All I could see was her hair sticking out.

It struck me as the kids were all waking up and I heard their fathers talking to them (LR and I were the only moms there), how great all these dads are. You could tell from the way that they were dealing with their kids that this wasn't a one-time thing. They are involved in the care and feeding of their kids on a daily basis - they aren't just "weekend" dads. These kids, all 12 of them, are so lucky to have two parents involved in their lives.

I took notes on what food to bring the next time I go camping, in like five years. TJ brought macaroni and cheese, which the kids loved. And KS fed pretty much everyone this morning with his pancakes. By the time B got his eggs and bacon going, everyone was stuffed - so he ate all the bacon on his own.

The kids were desperate to go on a hike. One of the kids, either MK or WS, handed EK a note that said: Hiking is good/ hiking is great/ we might see a cow/ take us camping now.

After packing up the campsite and loading the car, we did take the kids on a short hike. As we started walking along, Lily asked B when we were going hiking. When he told her that's what we were already doing, she rolled her eyes and said, "Daddy, hiking is more than just walking around." B and I both nearly fell over laughing.

So we're home. We're clean. And we're tired. B and I have both taken naps, and all the kids are tucked in. Campbell was worn out from his busy night with grandaddy. I think it's time for me to go back to bed. Tomorrow I'll have to unpack and start on the laundry.

A camping we will go

In a few hours we'll be heading out to Pace Bend Park to camp for the night. We're going with a bunch of neighbors and friends. Only one other mom is going; all the rest of the grownups will be dads. I've tried my hardest to get out of it, but no such luck. B is insisting that I go - "It just won't be any fun without you!" he says. We'll see about how much fun it is with me.

It's not that I'm anti-camping, I just don't like sleeping in a tent on the ground in a sleeping bag. I like hanging out with friends at the camp site. I like taking hikes. I like relaxing without laundry and dishes and dirty floors starting at me. I like roasting marshmallows over the fire and making s'mores. I'd be perfectly happy to do all of that stuff and then go home to sleep in my own bed. I'd even volunteer to show up in the morning with hot coffee and doughnuts for all. But no, I'll be sleeping in a tent with the girls. Campbell is staying at his grandfather's house.

The last time we went camping, I climbed out of the tent, bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, and asked my friend H how she slept. "Great!" was her answer. Then she added, "Of course, I took a sleeping pill." I wanted to sock her for holding out on me and not sharing the wealth. I've learned from her example, though, and I'm taking along a half xanax, which should conk me out for the night.

I'm also taking a book and my knitting. I'll let B deal with the girls and all the tent setting and fire building, and I'll sit and knit and read. And hope for rain so we can go home.

Five miles before dawn

I made it down to the trail to run with the chicks this morning at 5:30 despite having been woken up at 4:30 by Campbell. That is just an awful time to be woken up on a running morning. There's no point in my going back to sleep, but the paper isn't here yet, so what's a girl to do? I ended up dozing in bed, with the alarm still set, listening to Campbell jabber in the crib.

I am so glad I got up to run, though. It was just the perfect morning for running - clear and crisp and no wind to speak of. L said she was feeling frisky due to the weather, and I have to admit that I was too.

We did a route that's new to me, and I loved. We started out on the north side of the lake and then turned onto Congress, heading toward the Capitol. I love running up Congress Avenue with the Capitol looming in front of us. Since it was still dark, the Capitol was in full-lit glory - it's one of my favorite Austin views.

L, J and I turned around at 8th Street and headed back to the lake, for a total of five miles. I tried to keep up with L in the final half mile, but she was feeling frisky and just took off. I gave chase for about 100 yards and then fell behind, still managing to hold a pretty brisk pace.

When we finished the sun was just coming up, and the sky was turning all these beautiful oranges and pinks. The temperature had dropped from when we started, but we were all good and warm from the run, so it didn't matter much.

This was the first run I've had in almost two years where I felt good the whole way; the first run where I didn't feel like I was getting back into shape. I finally felt like I was in running shape. It's been a long time coming, and it was such an amazing way to start the day. I've been cheerful all morning, despite the early wake-up call and the looming migraine.

Tomorrow I'm meeting another running chick and accompanying her for five miles of her ten-mile route. I hope it's as successful a run as today's was.

Project Runway overload

Wheee! The new season of Project Runway started last night. Now we can watch Tim Gunn in his proper setting instead of his dreadful makeover show, which is just painful. I'm not sure what to think of the new cast yet. It's too soon to pick favorites. But I can tell that the young guy with the strange haircut is going to get on my nerves, big-time.

I have been watching Project Runway Canada, and I have to admit, I like that show better. Iman is a far better host, and I like the two judges, especially Shawn Hewson, whose line is called Bustle. Iman seems to have a sense of humor and doesn't take herself quite as seriously as La Klum. And when Iman wishes outgoing contestants good luck, it seems like she really means it.

Another thing I like about the show is that the contestants really seem to be there for the design and competition, not to be divas. My friend O'Pine said it seemed like the Canadian contestants hadn't seen the US show, and I agree with him.

So far my favorite challenge has been the dress for the opera star. But my favorite dress didn't win; I loved the one with the huge bustle on the back.

So if any of you watch these shows, let me know. I'd love to dish about them!

Adult ADD

Is it any wonder that I can't get my kids to focus on their chores? I can't even manage to focus on mine.

This morning I went out and moved the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer and got them started. Then I added soap and a few dish towels to the washer and turned it. I went inside to round up more clothes to add to the load.

But then my mom called about knitting stuff, so I talked to her for a while. Then I cleaned up most of the kitchen and got the dishwasher going. As I walked past my office, I noticed there were e-mails waiting, so I responded to two work-related messages and one from a friend about running plans. Then I made my bed and cleaned up the bathroom.

THEN I gathered dirty clothes from the hamper and headed out to the garage to put everything in the washer, which was just finishing the final spin cycle with its load of three very sudsy dishtowels.

Sigh.

The truly sad thing is that this is not an anomoly. This is how I function most days. There is just so much going on here that I can't focus on finishing any one thing at one time. The load of laundry that I finally put in the washer is still in there, waiting to be moved to the dryer. But every time I head for the garage, something else comes up and I get distracted.

With any luck I'll get the laundry to the dryer before I have to wash it again because it's gotten musty while waiting for me to remember that it's there.

At least as smart as the dog

My dad was asking me all sorts of questions about Campbell the other day - like does he say any words, how much is he walking, what does he do, etc. I told dad that Campbell knows who everyone in the house is, gives kisses on command, and knows what "no" means. But when I told dad that Campbell bolts for the front door anytime anyone says the word "outside," dad's response was, "Well, he's at least as smart as the dog." I was offended until I realized dad was right.

Campbell knows who we all are and he responds to certain words - like outside, milk, yucky, no, ball, and down - just like our dog.

Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have the common sense that our dog does. If she does something and gets hurt, she doesn't do it again. I can't say the same for Campbell. Today, Campbell stood up facing backwards on one of the chairs in Lily's classroom. As the teacher and another mother reached for him in slow motion, the chair and Campbell fell over, leaving him with a large bump on his forehead. I held him and apoligized for not paying more attention and cried a little bit until he stopped screaming and started wiggling to get down. What did he do as soon as I put him down? He headed right back to the chair and climbed up in it. I grabbed him, kissed Lily good-bye and headed out the door. I didn't need a repeat of the tumble.

I guess I should be happy that Campbell is at least as smart as Mollie-dog; she's a pretty smart dog. I just hope he doesn't turn out to be selectively obedient, which is what she is.

Eating my words

So over on my book blog, Plenty More Books Inside, I wrote about one of the Yarn Harlot's books and said that I would never understand her level of obsession with knitting and yarn. I said that I couldn't picture myself ever having a stash. MadMad commented that I'd soon be nutty about yarn, and it turns out she's right.

I now have a stash, even if it is just one ball of yarn.

I've already finished one sock in the orange yarn. I love the pattern in the sock; it's the right blend of detail work and mindless knitting for me to not get bored, like I did with endless rounds of K2P2 in the two pairs I've finished. I think this will be my favorite recipe for the time being.

And I'm already planning a field trip to a new yarn store in town. I'm sure I'll come home with some gorgeous yarn even though I don't have any plans to knit any more socks right now. I have to finish some projects for my mom, who is injured and can't knit.

Living in the moment

Last spring, one of my best friends forgot to take her camera to parent watching day at ballet. Her daughter's response to the news was something like, "That's OK mom, you can just watch me instead." My friend said it was a very good reminder from her daughter that sometimes she just needs to enjoy the moments instead of worrying so much about documenting them. It was a real "out of the mouths of babes" moment.

After ruining Ella's day off from school by allowing Lily to stay home too, I took all the kids down to the new Town Lake Park for some fun in the fountains. I left my camera at home on purpose. I decided that I would just sit back and enjoy watching the kids playing in the water, and I'm so glad I made that decision. I laughed myself silly watching Campbell trying to figure out how to get the water to come out of the ground, only to get hit in the face by water when it finally popped out. And I probably would have missed the look on his face when he was running through all of the fountains, laughing and screeching, when they all shut off at the same time. He was totally perplexed by what had just happened, and he toddled over to me with his hands out in a "where did it go" sort of gesture.

I loved watching the girls racing around, chasing each other and the water and then trying to lure Campbell into a fountain that was about to go off. They ran and laughed and played the whole time we were there, and I did nothing but watch and laugh and cheer. It's been a rough couple of days around here, and sitting and enjoying my kids was just what my soul needed.