I am in desperate need of a clothing makeover. I haven't bought any new clothes, other than a few solid-colored shirts, since before I was pregnant with Elizabeth. I have one pair of jeans that fits, and I'm in imminent danger of wearing them to shreds. I also have one pair of khakis that kind-of fit, maybe, and several pairs of shorts that also kind-of fit.
I'm tired of living in shorts and jeans and solid-colored shirts, even though they are very comfortable. I'm feeling frumpy and old and drab.
It's not like I haven't tried to buy new clothes, because I have. I've gone shopping three times in the past three weeks with every intention of buying something new and fabulous. And each time, I've come home empty handed.
Part of the problem is that I just don't see anything I like. Too much of what is in stores today is either a. a flashback to the '80s, and to paraphrase a friend, if I wore it the first time it was in style, I'm not wearing it the second time, or b. something that one of the Real Housewives of Wherever would wear, and I'm just not into bejewelled silk tank tops or clothing that looks like lingerie.
Capri pants appear to be a hot trend right now, but I just can't bring myself to wear them. Each time I try some on, I think about the little old ladies who wore pastel capris while walking the beach in Florida, and I take them back off. But one of my friends has a pair of cute cargo capri pants, so I tried on a similar pair the other day, only to discover they had a pleated front, and the pleats combined with the pockets on the side made me look like a clown.
The next time I went shopping, I decided to just look for jeans, on the advice of the same friend, who told me never to shop for tops and bottoms at the same time. But then I got in front of the wall of jeans and freaked out. There were too many choices - boyfriend cut, diva cut, low rise, high rise, boot cut, slim fit. I left in defeat.
I do have two friends who are good at picking out clothes for me. I need to bribe one of them with dinner and drinks in exchange for acting as my personal shopper. Otherwise, I fear I may spend the rest of my life wearing my one pair of shabby jeans.
Plus, I'm going to see OK Go in May, and I want to fit in with all the cute twenty-somethings who will be at the show, not look like their mother.