Saturday, October 11, 2008

One step forward, one step back

B and I went back to the hospital yesterday morning for Elizabeth's 11:00 feeding, and while we were there, I tackled the nurse practitioner for information. He did a quick review of her chart and asked if we had her car seat already. When we said we did, he told us to bring it with us in the evening for a seat check. When I asked if that meant we'd be bringing her home, he said, "I need to examine her and take a closer look at her chart, but I don't see much that's keeping her here." If I hadn't been holding Elizabeth at the time, I would have been jumping up and down, stitches be damned.

So we went home and got the car seat all ready, and I called a few people with the news that we might be able to bring her home.

We went back to the hospital for Elizabeth's 5:00 feeding to get the news that she hadn't woken up for her 2:00 feeding and so they had had to tube feed her. I nearly crumbled right there and then.

Basically, Elizabeth has to go 48 hours without needing to be tube fed at all. It doesn't matter whether she nurses or uses a bottle, she just has to wake up enough to eat by mouth every three hours for 48 hours. So her tube feeding yesterday afternoon reset the clock. It will be Sunday afternoon at the earliest before she can come home.

I am beyond frustrated at this point. Even though I KNOW this is for the best, I can't help but wonder, "What if she's just not hungry every three hours? What if she was just tired and wanted to snooze a little longer? Who says she HAS to eat every three hours? What if she always wants to sleep through her 2:00 feeding?"

As is my nature, I've spiraled straight into expecting the worst-case scenario - that it will be weeks before we can bring her home because she'll keep having just one feeding where she sleeps. It seems like there should be some wiggle room involved.

I was so blue last night that I skipped out on watching a movie with B and the girls and climbed into bed to cry. I really don't want the girls to see how upset and worried I am.

We'll be going in at 2:00 and 8:00pm today for feedings. Keep your fingers crossed that she wakes up and eats like she needs to.

1 comment:

Liz in Ink said...

Oh, mercy. That IS the thing about hospitals, isn't it? They don't know the first thing about going with the flow. I'm sending wak up at 2:00 vibes to sweet Elizabeth and I'm sending sleep well, eat well, cuddle 'em all and cry if you need to vibes to you...

xxx