Thursday, August 18, 2011

Today it finally happened

The wheels officially came off of the Gardner Family whatsit today. Everyone pretty much collectively lost their sh*t at least once during the course of the day, myself included.

The kids are tired of not having a schedule or a settled home or a routine of any type, and their behavior is reflecting it. Ella is being meaner and meaner to Lily and very rude to me. Lily bursts into tears anytime someone looks at her funny, which just makes Ella more prone to picking on her. Campbell has stopped listening to me at all. Today I told him not to do something, and he immediately did the very thing I’d just told him not to. When he’s not being blatantly disobedient, he is whinging almost nonstop. This afternoon was Meet the Teacher day at the big girls’ school, and I couldn’t talk to Ella’s teacher because Campbell kept pulling on my arm and whimpering. Elizabeth is just a mess. She veers wildly between clinging to me and crying and fighting with her brother.

And with the unending heat, the stress of six weeks of living out of suitcases, the lack of a routine, and continued depression, I’m not exactly equipped to deal with the kids and their misbehavior and bad attitudes. I’m far more short-tempered and cranky with the kids than I should be, and every time I lose my cool, I feel even worse about the job I’m doing as a mother.

B’s been working undogly hours and is now in a bad place with his neck pain, so he’s cranky too. The house still isn’t ready to be put on the market, which makes me very, very nervous.

It’s nothing shy of a miracle that I didn’t cook and eat the registrar at the girls’ school today when she informed me that they didn’t have Lily enrolled for the coming year. Her life was even more in danger when she told me that she’d put Lily in the one class I DID NOT WANT her to have. I pitched a very small, amazingly polite fit in the office, and the registrar reversed course, putting Lily with a different teacher, pending approval by the principal. Which means anything can happen between now and Monday.

So yeah, things aren’t good right now. If it weren’t for my prozac, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning.

We move into our cute rental house on Saturday, and I’m hoping against hope that things will get easier once we’re there. School starts on Monday, and we’ll be back in the school/rock climbing/ballet routine. We’ll be able to sit down for regular meals. The kids will have places to put their stuff other than suitcases. B will be able to get his home office set up and get his work schedule under control.

Life will return to some semblance of normal.

I hope.


Becca said...

Good lord, I need Prozac just reading that. You are doing awesome and don't for one minute doubt that. I would have crawled under the bed and be eating my hair by this point. I have total sympathy for your poor kids, but I know how that kind of stress-reaction behavior is SO hard to take. It's like "Wait, why do I have to be the grownup? I want to have a fit, too."

Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can and it's pretty darn amazing from my perspective! Hope the rental house is a peaceful place where everyone can regroup and relax!

Alexandra said...

Oh, can I feel the stress in that.

Oh, yes, I'd be the same way. Tight quarters, no place for anything, will do that.

Just one more day,,,,SATURDAY.

Your own rental,it will make a huge difference.

Hang in there, honey.

ckh said...

Yeah, hang in there! Normal will feel so Extraordinary! when this is all over -and it's almost over.

And remember that moms are people too. You don't have to be superwoman, you're doing the best you can and that is enough. (I certainly hope that came out the way I meant for it too.)

jennyp said...

I can't even begin to imagine six weeks out of suitcases, so please cut yourself some slack. I am sure having a place that is just yours will help. And this parenting thing is just so darn hard! I'm struggling with a 15 year old boy who just seems to dislike me intensely at the moment. As much as I know this is "normal" it is really hard not to be hurt when he rolls his eyes, again, at me. Once your kids get back to a routine they will settle in. And once you actually get to move into a house, well that can be fun! An adventure!

Baino said...

I feel for you. Reminds me of when we first came to Australia and my father's company put us up in a motel. 2 bedrooms in a sleezy suburb of Melbourne and my mother with four kids between the ages of 2 and 11 must have been hell but she got through it. Hope the move went well and there's some normality for you tomorrow.