Thursday, January 13, 2011

Gratitude

When I published Monday’s post, I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of a response. I didn’t even publish it with the idea of getting responses. I just knew that I had to put it out there. I crossed my fingers that I wouldn’t get any mean comments from trolls, but that was about it.

Almost immediately, comments and e-mails of support and encouragement started rolling in. I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of my friends, both those in real life and online. I have heard from high school friends, moms of my kids’ friends, and complete strangers. I cried many times while reading the messages. 

It is so reassuring to know that I am not the first to go through this and that I am not alone. Which I already *knew*, but it’s hard to remember when depression sets in. That’s the mean sneaky thing about depression – it sneaks up on you and makes you forget the good stuff in life.

I’m taking things one day at a time, trying to find the joys in the little things. I’m also talking to my doctor today about upping my dose of anti-anxiety meds, and I start counseling on Tuesday. Baby steps.

Thank you to each and every one of you who sent a message. I have them all saved and will re-read them on the tough days. I’m still down in the hole of depression, but thanks to your words and kindness, the light at the top is a little bit closer and a little bit brighter.

And I promise this won’t become a blog purely about depression, because that would just be, ahem, depressing. I’ll be back to my usual nonsense about kids and knitting and running and whatever very soon.

Much love and thanks to you all.

hok

6 comments:

Becky said...

So glad your light is getting bigger! I'm rooting for you and KNOW you are going to be just fine. Better than fine.

Always here for you...

xoxo

Becca said...

That's what we are here for, to be virtual girlfriends!!

Ann in NJ said...

Good for you taking the first steps. I have a friend who struggles with depression, and someone said to her once that she had to consider depression like diabetes. You don't get cured from it, it's something you have to monitor regularly, and if you need to medicate, than you medicate. Counseling/lifestyle changes/therapy? Medical issue, no more, no less. Proud of you for recognizing the issue.

Susan said...

Reaching out for help is always the first step to feeling better - in part because you have acknowledged that you are important enough to deserve it. We expect so much from ourselves.

The child raising years are so difficult and relentless in so many ways - my sisters and I have all gone tnrough some level of what you are going through and it helped us to be able to talk to each other about it, rather than be so tuned out and disconnected as our own mother was.

All the best to you and leep us posted, don't feel you need to put on a happy face!

Holly said...

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sucks. Some days, my husband has to literally drag me out of bed. Recognizing the problem, of course, is the first step toward recovery. So you're that much ahead! Thoughts and prayers are with you...

The Empress said...

There's a sense of safety in numbers. I'm part of your posse. I've got the big D papers to join the club.

*teamforgeahead*

No way around it, just have to go through it.

xo