I kind of keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. I think it's partially due to denial and partially due to the daily chaos of my life.
I am still in denial about this whole fourth child thing - I've found that if I think about it too much, I end up spending most of the day crying. Early on I reassured myself that once I could feel the baby kick, I'd get excited about it. Baby Bee has been kicking away furiously for weeks, and instead of being excited, all I can think is "Knock it off kid, I'm trying to sleep." I also thought I'd get more excited when I had my 20-week ultrasound. It was neat to see the baby, but I definitely didn't get all teary like I did with the other ones. I had more fun watching Ella watch the whole thing.
Because I'm not excited, I tend to not handle the jokes people make very well. Instead of laughing along when the clerk at Michael's looks at my three kids and my belly and says, "Goodness, four kids! You think you'd have figured babies out by now!" I grit my teeth and give her the death glare. What I really want to do is punch her in the face, but that's not the best example to show my kids.
When I'm not glaring at clerks in the store, I really don't think about being pregnant - to the point where it catches me off guard when I happen to see a reflection of myself in a mirror or in a store window. It really surprises me that a. I'm pregnant, and b. I'm far enough along to have a noticeable belly sticking out. I wore my usual bikini to the pool twice last week, and it took me a while to figure out why people were giving me odd looks.
My lack of paying attention is frustrating Ella a bit. She likes to keep track of how big Baby Bee is and what its doing developmentally. With all of my other pregnancies, I knew what was going on. With this one, I don't have a clue. When Ella asks me, I shrug and say we'll look it up online. But then something or someone in the house explodes and I get distracted.
A friend asked me last week how far along I was, and when I stopped to count the week, I was astonished to figure out that I'm 22 weeks' pregnant. I guess the good thing is that by paying so little attention to this pregnancy it will go faster. Maybe.