Sunday, July 06, 2008

Oh yeah, that

I kind of keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. I think it's partially due to denial and partially due to the daily chaos of my life.

I am still in denial about this whole fourth child thing - I've found that if I think about it too much, I end up spending most of the day crying. Early on I reassured myself that once I could feel the baby kick, I'd get excited about it. Baby Bee has been kicking away furiously for weeks, and instead of being excited, all I can think is "Knock it off kid, I'm trying to sleep." I also thought I'd get more excited when I had my 20-week ultrasound. It was neat to see the baby, but I definitely didn't get all teary like I did with the other ones. I had more fun watching Ella watch the whole thing.

Because I'm not excited, I tend to not handle the jokes people make very well. Instead of laughing along when the clerk at Michael's looks at my three kids and my belly and says, "Goodness, four kids! You think you'd have figured babies out by now!" I grit my teeth and give her the death glare. What I really want to do is punch her in the face, but that's not the best example to show my kids.

When I'm not glaring at clerks in the store, I really don't think about being pregnant - to the point where it catches me off guard when I happen to see a reflection of myself in a mirror or in a store window. It really surprises me that a. I'm pregnant, and b. I'm far enough along to have a noticeable belly sticking out. I wore my usual bikini to the pool twice last week, and it took me a while to figure out why people were giving me odd looks.

My lack of paying attention is frustrating Ella a bit. She likes to keep track of how big Baby Bee is and what its doing developmentally. With all of my other pregnancies, I knew what was going on. With this one, I don't have a clue. When Ella asks me, I shrug and say we'll look it up online. But then something or someone in the house explodes and I get distracted.

A friend asked me last week how far along I was, and when I stopped to count the week, I was astonished to figure out that I'm 22 weeks' pregnant. I guess the good thing is that by paying so little attention to this pregnancy it will go faster. Maybe.

8 comments:

Memarie Lane said...

OMG I'm so with you. I actually wrote a post ike this a couple weeks ago but didn't post it b/c I didn't want people to get the wrong idea about my attitude toward the pregnancy. But I feel the same way on every point. And when I want to see how far along I am I have to check my ticker. I have no clue at this very moment, LOL!

Jolly Roger said...

With my first pregnancy, it was all new and exciting (even though I DO NOT enjoy pregnancy. At all).

But with my second - all the discomfort, none of the newness. The thrill was gone.

But more than half over? That is wonderful! Wishing you a fast 18 weeks.

O'Pine said...

I'm not sure if you realized this or not, but I'm a fourth child. Bee will be your favorite. Trust me. It's impossible not to like a fourth child. We're awesome.

O'P

Anonymous said...

THATS VERY, VERY SAD.. FOR THE BABY.
THE KID DID NOT ASK FOR ITS PARENTS TO BE IRRESPONSIBLE AND CONCEIVE AN UNWANTED CHILD. VERY SAD INDEED.

hokgardner said...

So, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, is every woman who finds herself pregnant supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine and bluebirds of happiness every moment of the pregnancy? Are women not allowed to not be excited about being pregnant and having another child?

If you truly stood by your comments, you'd be brave enough to leave your name.

Memarie Lane said...

Very sad indeed for someone to say something nasty IN ALL CAPS on a personal blog about someone's honest feelings. Just because someone isn't painting their belly and driving everyone crazy talking about which diapers are best and whether breast or bottle is the way to go doesn't mean the baby is unwanted. Try seeing beyond your little box.

Runner Dude said...

Poor, Poor Anonymous. How sad that they resorted to blind judgment without knowing what kind of mother you are. Any child would be lucky to have you as their mom. Loving, fair, warm and no nonsense.
The proof is in the children.

MadMad said...

Also? Fourth babies turn into great kids/grownups because their moms weren't breathing down their necks from day one watching their every move, even from the womb. They are freer and happier - so don't stress that you're not paying as much attention this time around. You shouldn't be - it's not new! And the result will likely be great!