Better living through pharmaceuticals

I take a medicine daily to help control my anxiety level. I started taking it three years ago, and my life has improved immeasurably since. I no longer have panic attacks and start crying in the middle of Central Market. I no longer have panic attacks in the middle of playdates with some of my best friends and their kids. I no longer shake uncontrollably when talking to someone. I no longer have the compulsion to balance my checkbook three times a day. Life really is better with this medication.

That having been said, my anxiety level is pretty high right now as I get ready for tomorrow's trip. The list of things I'm worried about is too long to go into, but I've been so stressed that I've almost cancelled several times. Things really got out of control yesterday. Then I realized what part of the problem was - I'd forgotten to call in a refill on my medicine on Saturday before the pharmacy closed, and I'd been without my med since Saturday night. It was an aHa! moment.

I've made this mistake before, and when it happens I get extra jumpy and extra touchy. I also get these fun little jolty feelings, like I'm being zapped with low levels of electricity, that don't help matters. Apparently this feeling is pretty common when you're weaning off, or you forget to take, your anxiety/anti-depressant meds.

So I picked up my prescription this morning - it wasn't ready until late yesterday and I couldn't get to the pharmacy before it closed - I took a dose. The jolty feelings are settling down, but I'm still feeling pretty tightly wound, stress-wise.

So I've come up with a list of things I'm looking forward to:

1. Being on the plane without kids. Don't get me wrong, the girls are great fliers, I've never had a problem with either of them. But it's still hard to travel with kids when you're always anticipating what could go wrong. I told a friend this morning that I'd be happy if I could just fly to DC and back without kids.

2. Getting to read/knit/listen to my iPod on the plane. This ties in with number 1. All I have to do on the plane is take care of me. Yay.

3. Sleeping late. I don't get to sleep late on Thursday because I'm cramming a run in before we meet our friend at the National Gallery, but I'll be able to the rest of the time I'm away.

4. Running in cool weather. I came close to throwing up during yesterday's death march with Liz, Holli, Shelly and Wendy, so I am really looking forward to running in weather cool enough to warrant a long-sleeve shirt. I'm planning to tour the National Mall Thursday morning while I run. It's my favorite way to sight-see.

5. Fall weather. We don't have real seasons here. In the fall it's just less hot, and the leaves turn brown and fall off the trees. There aren't any fabulous colors to be seen. It won't be peak leaf season in W. Virginia, but I've been promised some fall colors.

6. Coming home again. It's always so nice to come home after a trip. I'm looking forward to a few days away from my husband and kids so that I can be extra happy to see them Sunday night.

And now it's time to pack.