Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Not my imagination

So I haven’t been feeling well the past few weeks, and it’s been getting worse. It’s not that I feel sick; instead, I just feel off. And tired. Oh so tired. Not in an “I have four kids and don’t get enough sleep” way but in an “I don’t think I can actually walk across the room” way. I feel like my body is filled with cement and that I’m breathing at altitude. I have asthma, and this is not asthma related. I just can’t get enough air in. To add to the fun, my hands tremble so badly that I have trouble knitting and typing, and I keep losing my balance and tipping over. Then there’s the whole blood pressure bottoming out stuff. And getting words mixed up; just a few minutes ago I told Ella to help get Elizabeth some groceries. I meant grapes, not groceries.

Basically, I’ve been a mess.

I haven’t said anything about to anyone, not really even B, because it’s just such a vague list of symptoms. There’s no one big thing I can point to. And because, oh my dog I do not need anything else to deal with right now. Between my migraines and depression, and Ella’s knee, and B’s ongoing stuff, I just don’t have the bandwidth for more. I ignored the symptoms and powered through.

And then it got worse. I woke up Monday feeling awful. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without gasping, let alone run. FeeBee is very upset with me. Yesterday I finally called the doctor and made an appointment for this morning.

I felt kind of silly going in and listing the symptoms for the nurse. I told her I felt a bit like a Victorian woman who just needs smelling salts and a fainting couch. She laughed and then sat down to take my blood pressure, which was low. Then she looked at me hard said, “Sweeetie – you look peaky. I don’t know how else to describe it. Peaky.”

I wanted to burst into tears and hug her. The relief that someone saw what I was feeling in some small way was overwhelming.

My doctor has ordered a full complement of blood work, which I have to do tomorrow morning after not eating for 12 hours. He’s guessing that my thyroid’s out of whack, which would make sense given that my mom has had thyroid problems, and her sister had thyroid cancer, and my cousin had major problems. It seems to run in the family. He also referred me to a cardiologist for a heart scan, just to be safe. I’m fine with being safe.

In a strange way I feel better knowing that there really might be something wrong. This isn’t my imagination or my being weak and unable to power through. So I’ll cut myself some slack, rest as much as I can, wait for lab results, and hope for conclusive results.

7 comments:

Becca said...

It's not in your head! I think we who suffer from depression etc get so used to being told its not a physical thing that we assume that will happen this time as well. I hope its something simple and easily fixed. hugs coming your way.

F said...

Hi! It's me, Frances. I just, literally JUST went through that. I thought I had early stage parkinson's, it scared me so much. I have been hypothyroid forever (14 years). Turns out with my dad and the mess (three hospitals, and now a nursing home) and stress, my thyroid flipped and I turned hyperthyroid. It was special. It is more dangerous and scary but definitely manageable. I thought with hyperT, I would be speeding and I was SO. Tired. And shaky. Racing heart. Miserable. Took a while to get adjustment but I feel better. Not great, but better.
SO glad you are having blood work done. Answers will come. Hope you feel better soon.

Becky said...

Wishing you a diagnosis and a speedy recovery to whatever this is.

xoxo

Ann in NJ said...

So glad you realized something was wrong - you're right, it's easy to assume vague symptoms are "nothing". And I hear you about fatigue and kids - hard to seperate that out as a symptom. I'm always fatigued!

As strange as it sounds, I hope they DO find something - that you can treat.

donna said...

Thinking of you.

ckh said...

I hope you get a speedy solution. xo

Susan said...

Hope all is well, I am finally taking ime to catch up on my reading so I suspect you have your results. Hope you are feeling better and glad to hear you are taking care of yourself.