farewell 2009*

don't let the door hit you in the ass as you leave.

really, 2009 was one for the books, and not in a good way at all. the year kicked off with some serious depression that i haven't quite shaken. that was followed by the first of b's many neck procedures, the latest of which was on monday. and on a related note, why do all outpatient surgery centers only play fox news on the tvs in the lobbies? to quote one friend, "perhaps this is what's wrong with the american healthcare system."

i also had my ongoing fight with blue cross/blue shield of texas, which still isn't resolved. my doctor has filed a second appeal on my behalf, but i'm sure that will be denied, too.

and among all these big stressors, which don't seem that much when written down but have really affected my life, there are the little day-to-day things of managing the house and four kids and balancing my work hours and then fretting when there wasn't any freelance work, and blah, blah, blah.

so here are my hopes for 2010 -

1. the doctors find something that will alleviate b's pain. it's horrible to watch someone you love be in almost constant pain. the next step may be an electrical implant on the nerves in his spine that will override the pain impulses. it's drastic, but it does seem to work.
2. get the insurance problem resolved in a way that doesn't involve our coughing up seven grand to the hospital.
3. get running on a regular schedule again. being able to exercise consistently will go a long way towards getting the depression back under control.
4. find some way to let go of my notion that the house has to be spotless and the laundry has to be folded for me to be a good mom. i can't manage to do everything, and i need to be better at accepting that i can't.

welcome 2010 - may you be a better year than the last.

and to my wonderful readers - happy new year. may it be a good one.

*campbell spilled coffee on my keyboard months ago, and it has been slowly dying ever since, one key at a time. today, my shift key doesn't work unless i hammer on it, so i'm typing without capital letters, just to save time.