Blue, blue, blue

It's 35 degrees and raining here today, and the weather matches my mood perfectly. I don't know why I'm in such a funk, but I am. All I want to do is curl up in bed, have a good cry, and then take a long nap.

But instead I have paying work I need to finish and mountains of laundry to fold. I've been steadily washing clothes all week; I just haven't had the time to fold and put them away.

I really should be in a good mood today. Last night I went out to dinner with one of my bestest friends, and with the help of her and a glass of wine I actually bought a pair of jeans that fit.

I suppose my problem is that my night out came at a cost - work and laundry were left undone and are waiting for me today. It seems that any time I do something fun for myself, I end up having to pay for it later. It's not B's fault - I came home to three sleeping kids, a neat living room and a spotless kitchen - it's just the nature of my life as a stay-at-home mom and freelancer. I can't leave my work at the office because my office is always here.

The fact that I didn't go running this morning isn't helping me either. I woke up and got dressed to go, bundled into lots of warm gear because I knew it was going to be cold. When I opened the door to get the paper, it was sleeting. So after a few minutes of dithering and second guessing, I went back to bed. I can handle running at 5:30. I can handle running in sub-freezing temps. I can't handle both of those things AND sleet.

But then I found out that the rest of my running group braved the weather and ran five miles. Now I feel like a total and complete wuss for not being out there with them.

I know this is rambling and disjointed, but so am I this morning.